This Extraordinary Letter Will Help You Find Your Calling

In April of 1958, Hunter S. Thompson was 22 years old when he wrote a letter on the meaning and purpose of life when asked by his friend, Hume Logan, for advice. In just a few paragraphs, Thompson’s letter offers deeply thoughtful ideas, and what makes it all the more profound is the fact that at the time the world had no idea that he was about to become one of the greatest writers of the 20th century.

This letter is particularly extraordinary because the timelessness of its applicability. These words still ring true in the ears of youth and adults alike and its message is still considered among the wisest ever written. 

April 22, 1958
57 Perry Street
New York City

Dear Hume,

You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal — to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself.

I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind.

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you’ve ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don’t see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect — between the two things I’ve mentioned: the floating or the swimming.

But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he’s not after the “big rock candy mountain,” the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?

The answer — and, in a sense, the tragedy of life — is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.

So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis?

The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on “the meaning of man” and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term “god only knows” purely as an expression.) There’s very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I’m the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.

I’m going to steer clear of the word “existentialism,” but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called “Being and Nothingness” by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called “Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre.” These are merely suggestions. If you’re genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you’re doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors.WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.

But don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean that we can’t BE firemen, bankers, or doctors — but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires — including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.

As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).

In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life — the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.

Let’s assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let’s assume that you can’t see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN — and here is the essence of all I’ve said — you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.

Naturally, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. You’ve lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn’t any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, “I don’t know where to look; I don’t know what to look for.”

And there’s the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don’t know — is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.

If I don’t call this to a halt, I’m going to find myself writing a book. I hope it’s not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it’s pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo — this merely happens to be mine.

If any part of it doesn’t seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I’m not trying to send you out “on the road” in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that — no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You’ll have lots of company.

And that’s it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,

Your friend,
Hunter

The Problem With Understanding Intelligence

There are a lot of articles out there claiming to understand what comprises an intelligent person. They’ll site flimsy studies that affirm a myriad of very stereotypical traits about intelligent people. You’ve heard it plenty of times I’m sure. “You might be super smart if you are a night owl, introverted, don’t smoke, or have a cat instead of a dog.” To me, a lot of these claims are just plain silly. For centuries, scientists and psychologists have been trying to figure out what exactly intelligence is. More importantly, they’ve been trying to figure out how the highly intelligent think. As concrete as many articles claim the research is, we don’t actually understand intelligence much at all. If we did, more people would understand that intelligence can’t be measured and that there aren’t a set of assigned traits that intelligent people have.

An article I recently read written by Big Think created a correlation between intelligence and physical activity. If you’re highly intelligent you may not be as physically active because you prefer to be thinking. It sites a study of 60 college students with varying NFC’s (need for cognition) which, after just one week of time, discovered that those with higher NFC’s were less physically active. Therefore, it concluded that smarter people must be less active. Well, there’s a lot wrong with this deduction. First of all, there was a small pool of subjects. You need to study a lot of people to accurately gauge something as ambiguous as intelligence. Second, they only conducted the study for a week! There is no way you’re going to be able to accurately deduce anything about cognition over a span of 7 days. Things change in people’s lives and the desire to be active fluctuates based on a myriad of factors. Third, the correlation itself is a bit shady. They are claiming that those who are less active chose to stay home and think. Who says that staying home to think about stuff makes you smarter? And who does that anyway?! If I stay home instead of doing something active, I’m probably at home watching movies or something. There is clearly very flimsy evidence to suggest that lazy people are more intelligent. What if going running or playing a sport helps people think? It is very possible that certain people think more clearly or more creatively when they’re moving.

As humans we can’t help but feel we have to condense things in order to understand it. We condense vocabulary words to flash cards, we try to understand personalities by assigning colors and specific terminology to them (introvert vs. extrovert), and we try to understand groups of people by assigning them to biological races. Some of these are not even backed by real science! There is no scientific basis for biological races. We do the same for intelligence, claiming that intelligent people tend to stay up late, are thinner, and are funny. These are individual personality traits that some intelligent people may have but not all of them.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that we shouldn't try to understand intelligence, I just think that before we go making concrete claims about intelligence, we should make sure we have the science to back it up!

Personally, I don’t believe that intelligence is necessarily fixed. There are always more ways you can educate yourself, learn more about yourself and the world. Here are some ways you can make yourself a little smarter every day.

1. Keep an Open Mind 

The world is a big big place and there is so much to know about it. If you’re always held up in the same way of thinking, you may never be able to expand your mind.

2. Adapt to Changes

This is a tough one, but you must be able to adapt to changing environments and conditions. If you’re working on a project and a bunch of set-backs come your way, just adapt and re-asses.

3. Understand that there is a lot you don’t know 

You are never going to be able to know everything, but it’s better to learn as much as possible than to be content knowing nothing. Once you understand that there so much to learn and so much knowledge you don’t have, you’ll find yourself curious to learn more about stuff.

4. Be curious about stuff 

It doesn’t really matter what it's about. Just start with some interest you have and fall down the rabbit hole of information. In one day I go from technological advances in robotics to the art of meditation. The sky is the limit, so learn whatever you can!

Want To Accomplish Stuff? Stop Making New Year’s Resolutions

It’s officially 2017. Yay… Every New Year, we motivate ourselves to make huge changes in our lives, so we make resolutions. Why? Because it’s a tradition and if you don’t make them you may run the risk of appearing lazy or apathetic. However, every year you make resolutions and every year you manage to accomplish none of them (or very few). What’s up with that?

According to Psychology professor Peter Herman, when we create New Year’s resolutions we adopt something called the “false hope syndrome”, or the condition where we falsely hope to accomplish unrealistic goals. These goals are impractical and fall out of synch with who we really are. Failure to fulfil resolutions could be because we set our expectations too high, and then when it comes time to actually do something, we don’t know where to start or are afraid to take the first steps. It could also be attributed to the fact that some of us tend have a harder time accomplishing something once we’ve made it a task. For example, you’ve decided that you want to lose weight, so you say that your resolution is to lose 20 pounds. That’s actually a lot harder than it sounds and is no longer something exciting that you really want to do-it’s just another task for the checklist and can be easily neglected when other things in your life take priority. The solution is to treat goals like a hobby.

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions here’s my challenge for you. Make goals into hobbies. Why do we have hobbies? Because people like to do things they enjoy. You probably won’t enjoy losing 20 pounds (let’s just be real) but ask yourself this, what about losing 20 pounds excites you? What part of that process do you really want to do or already love doing? For example, do you like to cook and are excited about making certain recipes, are you a dancer and want to join a dance group, do you like to go hiking, running, or just want to join meetup group of people who are also trying to lose weight. Make your goals something that you actually want to do. Keep in the back of your mind that the end goal is to lose weight, but enjoy the journey and celebrate every victory. Celebrate after you lose 5 pounds, 10 pounds etc. After all, having goals is supposed to be fun!

Stop making resolutions that are ridiculously hard to accomplish like quitting smoking, getting more organized or getting into grad school. These are intimidating goals and take a careful amount of planning to accomplish. Most of us simply won’t do it. Know yourself and how you tick. Are you the kind of person that is very goal oriented and accomplishes what they set out to do, or are you the type of person that needs a (a lot) of motivating. If you’re the later type then using fun goals as motivation will serve you well. Don’t crush yourself with expectations then feel bad about it when you aren’t successful. Have some sympathy for your future self and ease up a bit, you’ll thank me later.  

Philosophical Mediation For Anxiety

In my precious post entitled F*ck Feelings: Practical Ways to Manage Anxiety, I mentioned briefly a term called Philosophical Meditation. While I explained briefly what the term meant, I’d like to elaborate on exactly how effective this kind of meditation truly is.

According to the School of Life, which has become my new favorite Youtube Channel, Philosophical Meditation is inspired by Western philosophical methods of coping with anxiety. What we consider to be traditional meditation is an Eastern philosophical practice that emphasizes the removal of oneself from what is causing you distress. It advocates that you remove yourself physically to a quiet and undisturbed location and allow yourself to take on an objective view of what you feel. This is particularly effective if you are in dire need of focus and calm, however the key to Eastern meditation is that you must physically remove yourself from everything. What if there was a way to meditate without removing yourself, closing your eyes, or focusing intensely for several minutes? You’re not gonna believe this, but there is.

Philosophical Meditation is the act of identifying your thoughts and feelings and rationalizing exactly what you fear. Let me tell you, it works wonders. For example, imagine that tomorrow is your first day at a new job. You’re very very anxious and your mind is spinning with what ifs and its driving you mad. Here’s how you use Philosophical Meditation to regulate your anxiety.

1. Identify Exactly What it Is You’re Afraid Of

Do not try to understand why you’re feeling afraid, try to get a grasp of exactly what is causing you to feel afraid. Are you afraid that you’ll get to work late, make a bad impression, make stupid mistakes, or end up hating the job? Identify exactly what is causing you grief and write them out on a notepad.

2. Begin to Rationalize Your Fears and Make a Plan

Here is where you tackle your fears head on. Show no mercy. Take a second to write out exactly why these fears are overblown or irrational then make a plan of action. If you’re worried about being late, write down your plan to avoid being late plan your route carefully and set your alarm to wake you up a little earlier. Ask yourself, “What if I’m late anyways? What happens then?” Then you can begin to rationalize your thoughts by saying something along the lines of, “Well, I have a contact that I can email/call if something goes awry, and people probably understand that I don’t really understand the best routes to get there yet. It’s only the first day, they expect you to mess up.”

The key to Philosophical Meditation is to force that grey area of unaddressed improbabilities into the spotlight, and to break them down using rationality and logic. I can’t tell you how many times this has helped me cope with my ridiculously severe anxiety. I find that my fears do not stand up to much scrutiny when in the lime light. It simply doesn’t take much for our insecurities to fall apart. In part, this may be because our emotions protect these fears to a great extent. Your emotions act as a kind of barrier to deter you from delving into what you fear simply because you fear them. If you deny your feelings influence over you for a moment and just get to the core of what you are afraid of, you will begin to see some real improvements. If you find yourself growing anxious again, return to your notepad and read what you fear and your rationalizations of your fears. I doesn’t matter how many times you have to remind yourself, just do what it takes to manage your anxiety.


You can watch the School of Life video about Philosophical Mediation here.

Nothing Is Original: The True Key to Creativity

I am a very creative person. My imaginings, daydreams and visions are often so vivid that I feel an incessant pull to express and share what I’m experiencing. If I’m not able to express them in a form I enjoy, I tend to become emotionally imbalanced. Therefore, it’s imperative that take advantage of the many outlets I have to express my creativity. I mentioned in a previous post how you can get creative. I utilize many, if not all of these outlets on a daily basis. I sing using an app called Sing!, I write music, I play piano, I design outfits on Polyvore, I write blogposts and short stories, I study languages, and create playlists on Youtube. Strangely enough, I need every one of these outlets. Without them, I feel like I’ve lost something dear to me. That’s exactly what this new book I read explains. In Austin Kleon’s book Steal Like An Artist, he elaborates on exactly what it takes to create awesome things, but it’s not what you may think.

Artists are frequently told to think outside the box, be creative or seek originality. These are not entirely incorrect but they neglect a key point- nothing is original. Kleon says that great artists understand that nothing comes from nowhere. All creative work just builds upon something that came before it. In other words, great artists simply steal material they like from previous artists and emulate them into their own personal style. For example, if I’m a songwriter looking for creative ways to write new music, I should find other artists I love and study them. What is their inspiration, what is their songwriting style, who influenced their sound? With this information, I can begin to create my own sound. You should definitely give this book a read, but in the meantime, here are the main take aways!

Find Something Worth Stealing

Search for things that touch your heart and soul and make a note to use those for inspiration. Collect anything that kicks your imagination into gear, makes you feel good or makes you think. It can be anything from movies, novels, poems, photography, fashion, etc.

Find Heroes

Is there a particular artist who you already have in mind as your inspiration? Perfect. However, it is better to have a conglomerate of inspiration than just a single artist. After all, you don’t want to just take from a single artist. Create a tree of heroes. Find out who your hero gets their inspiration from. Then research where they got their inspiration from. What other artists are similar to your heroes? Where did they get their inspiration? It’s good to deeply understand where you are getting your inspiration, because you don’t just want to imitate others, you want to see what they see and understand the thinking behind their art. That will help you to create your own.

Emulate Your Heroes

So at some point in the creative process you’ll need to create your own personal style. Use what you know about your heroes and create something that is uniquely your own. Ask yourself “Is there something the artist missed? What should they make?” Then make that. Take the inspiration from your heroes and make what you would want to see or hear yourself. What is the kind of music you LOVE hearing? Take that and apply that to your inspiration.

Get Bored

Creativity pairs well with boredom. You may notice that when you’re bored you come up with some interesting ideas, so let yourself be bored. Wash dishes, take a walk, iron clothes, organize your closet, and stare out the window. Just let your mind wander and write down all those interesting ideas you encounter. Creative people aren’t always leading excitingly cinematic lives. We have day jobs, pets and families just like everyone else. The only difference is that creative people fill every moment they aren’t working with something creative.

Create Constraints

I know this sounds counter-productive, but creativity also works best with constraints. There is nothing more paralyzing than having an infinite amount of options. If you have fewer options, your creativity can really get to work! So set some boundaries before you start working. Pick a theme, topic, or some constraint that will help focus your work so that you’re not paralyzed by the possibilities.

Don’t Seek Validation

Some people create amazing things but almost never share them because they’re afraid of what people will think of them. As Keon puts it “Validation is for parking”. Your job is create what you love and share it with others. You can’t control who is going to like it and who isn’t, just embrace those who appreciate your work as they come, but don’t rely on their compliments. You’re doing this for you.  

Hope this helps! What has helped to spur your creativity? What do you do to get the creative juices flowing?

Why The Holidays Aren't So Bright Anymore

There was a certain sparkle in my eyes as I stared at the Christmas tree. I was small enough that it towered over me, and the shimmering lights, velvet red ribbon, and glittering ornaments were captivated me with pure magic. When the tree goes up, it's officially Christmas. And I loved Christmas. It was one time of year where I was showered with gifts, surrounded by family, stuffed with delicious food, and rushed to all sorts of exciting events. My spirit was all a glow and my heart was so very warm. However, as I aged, that glow dimmed and that warmth faded. Ever since I graduated college, holly jolly Christmases have been hard to come by. 

When I was in college, I had ample amount of time after finals dedicated solely to enjoying the holidays. I took for granted how wonderful a three week vacation is compared to 10 days, which is what I have now. I was able to hop on a plane right after my last final (which was typically the 18^th or 19^th) and be home several days before Christmas. I could help decorate, plan fun activities leading up to Christmas, and just rest a while. Two years in a row my sister and I planned Christmas around the world. In around four or five days we’d celebrate Christmas traditions from around the world with each day being a different country. It was all I could think about while studying for finals. I also had less responsibility to buy gifts. I was a college student, so no one expected me to afford gifts. I worked part time, so I was able to afford small gifts to my immediate family, but otherwise all I was expected to do was receive. It was much simpler and stress-free back then.

Now that I’m a working adult with bills, student loans and responsibility, the holidays have become much more of a hassle. I have to save enough money to buy gifts for everyone, while making sure my bills get paid, and I have enough for travel expenses. I arrived home just two days before Christmas and my boyfriend and I were exhausted from travel and work. The light of the Christmas tree seemed far less magical as my mind constantly swirled with anxiety relating to buying gifts, traveling, paying bills, etc.

To move forward from this thinking, we must change the way we celebrate and anticipate the holiday season. I always saw them as a celebration of potential to receive and to experience magic for myself. The way I felt when I was young may never be happen again, but it can for someone else. Someone else can have the same passion and warmth that I had if I just give a little. It’s also a time to remember all the good times and hard times of the year and commend your friends and family for overcoming it all. The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to celebrate Christmas traditionally. Sometimes I plan to do things that I’ve traditionally done with my family in the past, but then I end up being too tired to do them. Then I feel bad about it, and think the holiday was just bad or something. Instead, treat every holiday like a whole new one. One year you may just decide to chill out and have wine while you marathon British comedies.  Don’t try to over plan. Just enjoy your break from work or school and do activities as you feel. So give to others, don’t over plan, and try new things. That’s what Christmas is all about.

Three Signs You May Be A Maladaptive Daydreamer

     If you’re familiar with Maladaptive Daydreaming (or MD) this article will be very relatable. Otherwise, this will sound absolutely insane. However, bear with me. It’s very hard for a person with a Maladaptive Daydreaming disorder to explain it to others. Other people cannot begin to comprehend the complexities and intricacies of our imaginations. However, I will attempt to explain what Maladaptive Daydreaming is and how you know you might have it. Firstly, MD is not a diagnosable illness. Most health care professionals haven’t got a clue what it means. It’s a new phenomenon for both those experiencing it and those who are trying to treat it, but it’s becoming a more prevalent issue. At the moment it is considered a sub-set of anxiety or depression, and while that is mostly true, I believe that it deserves to be in a category of its own. We’ll define MD as an uncontrollable urge to produce very intricate daydreams or fantasies at often unpredictable times.  It goes waayyy beyond your average daydreaming capabilities because it is much more vivid and real to those fabricating the daydreams. These daydreams have deep plots, characters, scenarios and emotions that interact with each other in incredibly unique ways. It’s much more in depth than, say, having a movie theater in your head. It’s more like having a virtual reality headset on all time. In terms of content, our daydreams could consist of anything under the sun. They don’t have to be about ourselves and they are sometimes not conceived intentionally at all. It just sort of happens! MD is definitely considered a blessing and a curse, but how do you know if you have it?

Your Fantasies are Vivid and Complex

When I say vivid, I mean vivid. I’m not just talking about daydreaming about someone you have a crush on. I mean you imagine whole other worlds. If I were to tell you picture yourself in a different landscape, you will be able to imagine some fictitious scenery without even having to close your eyes or think for more than a short period of time. Or if I were to ask you where you’re mind wanders off to the most lately, you’ll be able to paint me a picture of a new world. Whenever you think about the world you’ve created, it conjures up powerful emotions. The real world is just a platform to extrapolate ideas for your daydreams.

You Find Yourself Daydreaming All the Time

 Not just when you’re bored, but whenever your brain can spare a moment you’re drifting off into another dimension. It may often be at inopportune times like when you’re supposed to be listening to instructions, waiting for your zone to get called so you don’t miss your flight, etc. The key issue you face as an MD is that you probably schedule time, or set time aside exclusively for daydreaming! You may prefer to do that instead of planning to go out or hang out with friends as a result.

You Feel Out of Control

If you’re like me, you feel like you have very little control over when you daydream heavily. You often can’t control when you’ll tumble into your fantasies and once you’re in, it’s hard to get out. Why? Because you love being there! Because of this, you may feel helplessness or lack of control. That feeling may be exacerbated because your daydreaming could bleed into other areas of your life and affect your ability to achieve your goals. It can feel like a losing battle, but don’t lose hope. There’s a way to cope.

So you have MD. Now what? Please know that you’re not alone. Having MD can be so incredibly fascinating, but most of the time it can be destructive. However, it doesn’t have to be a curse. Your mind is incredibly unique and the worlds you imagine are as well. You need to learn to channel these imaginings into something productive so that it’s easier to manage. I daydream OFTEN about stories and plots, so I like to write them down and create tons of short stories. I also fantasize about music (I imagine a melodies as they’re associated with scenery), so I write song lyrics and melodies that are similar to the ones I’ve imagined. For some reason, my daydreams are also very very specific about the clothing people wear. I so design clothing and outfits online. If you often see beautiful landscapes, try to draw them or find some way to describe what you’re seeing. You must learn to express your creative genius, because it truly is genius. You never know what beautiful art, music, stories, gifts, designs, etc.  you can make until you try! Who knows where your talents may lead! How have you learned to cope with MD? How has it affected you?

Great Ways to Get Creative

        I’m kind of a strange soul. I become antsy and restless if I cannot express myself creatively in some way. I truly do enjoy thinking creatively and making things with my hands. In a world of copy cats, it provides me with this individually empowering joy that I could never obtain from taking a selfie or posting a photo to Instragram-I made this piece of art and it represents me. For a while, I didn’t have any outlets to be creative. I couldn’t make blog backgrounds because I no longer had (or could afford) photoshop, I liked to put together outfits, but didn’t know how I could do so online, and I liked to write music but I no longer had access to a keyboard. Things began to look bleak. My anxiety spiraled out of control, my moods swung unpredictably and became very depressed and cold towards my loved ones. If it isn’t obvious already, I truly NEED creativity in my life. So I sat down to plan out new ways I can express my creativity until I can afford more tools (like a keyboard).

Write Lyrics

Like to write songs? Write a bunch of lyrics and try to hum a melody. It’s pretty straight forward, but everyone’s creative process is different. I find that I need to channel some emotion I wish to convey first. The emotion will sometimes help me think of chords and melodies. Then I think of the theme of the song, then the title. Then I can begin actually writing the song. Try to consider the meter you’d like before you start putting words to the page. Also try to consider which instruments you’d like to play your song.

Compose Music

There’s a free computer software application called Muse Score (https://musescore.org/) that allows you to write sheet music. It doesn’t take too long to learn how to use the software, and it’s wonderful for if you don’t have an instrument readily available or if you like to plan music perfectly before pulling out your instrument of choice.

Fashion Design

Into fashion design? Try out a website called Polyvore. It’s a website where you can use the online database of clothing, accessories, makeup, etc to assemble outfits and collections. The website is totally free and very fun!

Write a Short Story

My imagination runs rampant every day! I never know what kind of stories or scenarios will pop into my head at any given moment. If you’re like me, it’s probably a good idea to write them down and feed your imagination. See what would happen if you were to have mind control powers, or if you found out that your friend is in the CIA, or that your family is related to a tribe of werewolves, or that you won the lottery but there is a catch.

 Read a Book

I know, I know. You don’t get to make anything by reading a book, but hold on there for a second. Reading books gets your imagination running. It may give you some ideas for your next project or creative endeavor. You never know!

Make a Blogpost

Have a blog, make a blogpost about something that’s been on your mind lately! It really gets your creative juices (and funny anecdotes) flowing. It’s the most freeing form of creative writing and love to encourage people to share what’s on their minds or in their hearts.

Graphic Design

Download Photoshop, or GIMP if you can’t afford photoshop, and make some blog backgrounds, banners, logos, wallpapers, calendars, icons, etc. Take a class on coding if you want to get deeper into web design. Whether it’s for personal use or to sell get your digital design fix from these creative outlets.

Interior Design

There’s a software application called Room Sketcher (http://www.roomsketcher.com/interior-design/) that is apparently a virtual platform for aspiring interior designers. I myself have never used the software before, but it a good-to-know resource. Also, (now don’t judge) the Sims offers an excellent platform to plan, build and design virtual homes from scratch. Even if you never actually play with any sims, just being able to build and design homes is very exciting. In what ways do you like to get creative?

F*ck Feelings: Practical Ways to Manage Anxiety

Whenever I would share a certain aspect of my life that I struggle with, people would gasp in disbelief. “I would never have guessed!!” The surprise on their face looks in no way fabricated to hide the fact that they knew all along and was trying to be polite. No, they are always genuinely surprised and bewildered that a person so put-together as me can struggle so much with anxiety. The truth is everyone deals with anxiety to some extent, but a few of us struggle on a severe degree (like me). However, I’m here to reassure you that even the most severe anxiety can be managed!

I’ve had general anxiety since I was 12 years old. Suddenly, the things I found common place evoked feelings of dread and pain. My body grew paralyzed and in shock without warning, and I couldn't shake that painful, searing feeling of panic and dread. It’s similar to the sensation you would get if someone was holding a gun to, not your head, but to the head of someone you love. I’ve always been on the outside looking in when it came to controlling my emotions, as if my brain was on auto pilot. I dealt with the pain all throughout college until last month I picked a book called F*ck Feelings. Before I begin to list coping mechanisms I learned from this awesome book, I’m going to give a brief overview of what’s going on in your brain when you have anxiety. 

Anxiety is the normal reaction to when you brain perceives some situation, object or person to be some how threatening. However, for people who suffer with excessive anxiety our brain creates a life threatening situation from a situation that isn’t at all life threatening. I find that before I even step into the made up “life threatening” situation, my brain is already preparing my body to fight or flight! That’s when your anxiety spirals. Before any situation occurs, your body is preparing to defend itself. Thoughts may fly through your mind about all the reasons you may want to opt for the “flight” option, but then you may feel guilty about doing that. So you consider the “fight” option, but it’s so painful, so you’re back to square one. Though this sounds troubling, all is not lost! Over the years I’ve learned how to cope with my anxiety and I’m excited to share them.  

Philosophical Meditation 

      According to the School of Life, Philosophical Mediation is the act of thinking through the things you are anxious about. Are you afraid of missing your flight? Think about if  you actually did miss your flight?  What would your plan be? Would it be the end of the world? Probably not. This western style of meditation focuses on creating solutions to the problems you've created in your mind. 

Listen to Loud Music 

      Don't blow your eardrums out, but listening to music at louder volumes has been proven in a few studies to relax you. Try turning up your tunes and tuning out the world.

    Manage Your Emotions

Go ahead and accept the fact that you cannot control your anxiety. You can't command it to stop when you get frustrated and you can't tell it to roll over or play dead. Anxiety doesn't work that way. Instead of fighting so hard to stop your anxiety, learn to regulate it. Learn little ways that you can manage your anxiety when you feel it coming on strong. I like to rationalize what I'm being anxious about. Force your fears into the lime light and call into question whether it's actually work freaking out over. Once I've zeroed in on what I'm actually afraid of, I quickly learn that it isn't rational at all. From there, I counsel myself using logic and rational. "Okay, I'm afraid of X, but in reality..." "If X does happen, then Y is the plan for getting past it." Don't try to fight away how you feel. Instead, take a second to confront your feelings. Bad things WILL happen, but think about your plan when they do. It's a fruitless task to be constantly in fear of bad things. 

Don’t Beat Yourself Up 

I've been reading an excellent book called F*ck Feelings by Sarah and Michael Bennett. The book provides practical, brutally honest advice on how to deal with your anxiety. One key piece of advice the book provides is don’t be upset with yourself if you get too anxious to do something, just accept what you can’t control and manage what you can. If you allow your anxiety to get the better of you and it causes you to behave in a way contrary to the way you prefer, don't become guilty or usept with yourself. Forgive yourself and make a note to be more careful next time. Self-destruction is a wicked cycle. You do something wrong, then you beat yourself up, then you become more anxious/depressed, then you do something wrong again. The cycle continues. End the cycle and make a point to give yourself a break.

Understand Your Anxiety but Don’t Try to Find Its Origins or Roots 

jj    As F*ck Your Feelings so eloquently states, do NOT try to go rooting around in your childhood, subconscious or heart and soul to figure out where you anxiety is coming from. It's a pointless way to avoid dealing with the problem. However you got it doesn't matter so much, all that matter is that you have anxiety right now and need to deal with it. Instead, try to figure out what it is your afraid of and how you can deal with it. 

I have pretty severe anxiety according to my doctors and these tips have been so incredibly life changing! I know they can be for you too. Just remember not to take life too seriously. Have fun and reward yourself when you rationalize your fears or manage your anxiety in scary situations. 

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Get The Job: Everything You'll Need To Know About Interviewing

When I was in high school my mom spent a considerable amount of time and resources teaching me business etiquette and interview skills. At the time, of course, I scoffed at her and continued ripping my jeans (it looked tragic, just tragic). However, after  going to college I was so thankful that she forced me (kicking and screaming) to attend business etiquette courses, dinners and lunches because people found me very professional and poised. Working at the campus career center only solidified what my mother taught me in high school. However, and most importantly, what I learned was effective. Very effective. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I have always been hired for the job/internship that I am given the chance to interview for. If I interview, I get the job. It sounds crazy, but it's 100% true. Now I'm going to help you get the job. I was in recruiting for a couple of years and I'm just going to be frank with you. Most people don't really know what they're doing when they interview people, so they often pick people who just interview well. So if you can get in there and kick-ass, that alone increases your chances of getting the job exponentially. Getting the interview is another issue entirely, but when you get to the interview phase here are some tricks, tips, advice and just about everything you'll need to become a good interviewer and get the job you want.

 What Not To Wear 

 You've heard this a hundred times already, but I'm gonna say it again. Dress decently for your interview. I haven't recruited for that long, but I've seen people show up in wrinkled clothes, smelly clothes and even wear jeans. It's unprofessional. Don't do it.  You should dress according to the line of work you're interviewing for. I like to divide it into three sections: Law firm, Corporate, Artistic. For a law firm, you must always dress to the nines or business formal. Have a suit, loafers and briefcase. For corporate, you can dress down just a little bit. You'll notice that some of the employees are just pretty casually. So I say its safe to dress in business or business casual. Artistic is totally up to you. If you're applying to work within music, art, or photography then get creative and express yourself with what you wear.

Do Your Research

Your interviewer will most likely ask you why you want to work for them, what draws your interest, why you applied, what excites you about working at their company, or why you think you'll be a good fit for their company. None of these questions cannot be answered without doing your research. If you make up some bull-crap they'll know, and you'll look like such an idiot. So look for these three things when doing your research and you'll be good to go:

•  What They Do/Make - This is soooo important. I cannot stress this enough. Know what the   company does or makes. If you don't know any of this, you might as well not go to the interview at all. Knowing what they do will help you to align your interests with their products or services. You always want to show to them that you cared enough to do your research and that you'll be the perfect choice for the job because you know about about what they do and love it. 

• Their Mission Statement - What are trying to accomplish? What are their goals and why did they start the company? Every company has an objectives and goals. Know what those are and convince the interviewer that you can help them toward those goals because you have skill in X, a passion for Y and experience to boot. If you don't have experience, then just sell the skill and passion part really well.  

• Their Values - Look for the type of person they may want to hire. You can tell this either from their about page or from the employee listing page. Sometimes they list their employees' backgrounds. See if you notice any trends at all. Look at their photos as well. Are they stiff and professional looking, or are they smiling and charismatic? That may give you some clues into the type of person they like to hire. Look to see if you can spot what their values are as well. Look to see if certain words are repeated over and over. If you see the word passionate, devoted, professional, best, or prestigious over and over, then that tells you what reputation or appearance they want the company to have. Most likely they'll want employees that emulate those values. So look to incorporate them in your interview.

• Company Culture - This often gets overlooked during the research phase, but its also pretty important. Sometimes interviewers will ask what environment you prefer to be in or what is your ideal working conditions. Look for photographs on the website or look to see if their employees are divided by teams. If so, you'll most likely be working in a team environment. If you see photos of merrymaking and happiness, you might be able to bet that they have a very casual work environment. If there are no photos or anything to work with, then wait till you get in the company. While they are taking you to the interview room, look around and try to judge the environment by quick glance. You should also ask what the environment is like during the interview.

•  The Job Description - Always read the job description and check it twice. Everything that they are looking for in an employee is in that job description. Look for specific qualities and bring those up in your interview. Make sure you address the negative aspects of the job too. For example, if the job has a lot of travel, (make sure you're okay with it first then) reassure them that you're totally fine with it. 

Look Them in the Eyes and Speak Up!

I was told once in an interview that they turned the other applicants away sorely based on the fact that they twiddled with their thumbs awkwardly and didn't look the interviewer in the eyes during the interview. So maintain a smile and eye contact throughout the whole session. It shows that you know what you're talking about and are confident in your abilities whether you actually are or not. Fake it till you make it! Also make sure to speak loud and clearly. I noticed that people that were a bit clearer and louder were looked upon more favorably in recruiting. To be frank, they often want to see that you're a leader, even if they don't put you in a leadership position. In fact, you'll probably be in a team situation where you won't get to lead anything for a long time. What they actually want is someone who will take orders in the well, yet acts like a leader in interviews. After all, you do have to stand out.

Tell an Interesting Story

Always include an interesting story of your experiences. For example, I am often asked if I can multitask well. If I just say yes, then that doesn't actually answer the question and leaves them wondering if it's actually true at all. However, when I say, "Yes, when I worked at X company, it was my daily responsibility to answer phones, greet people at the door, make connections with potential clients, and juggle cats. It was definitely alot, but I loved what I was doing because I learned X and got to speak to Y." Try to tell interesting (and entirely truthful) stories about your experiences, because it shows that you enjoyed your work and that you actually learned something. It also intrigues the interviewer. They'll want to keep talking to you and learning about you. If you tend to have trouble telling interesting stories, think of your previous experiences and prepare a story or two  ahead of time. Please remember to stick to the point of the question. Don't go on long tangents with your stories, its becomes a travesty.

Have an Answer to Every Questions

Never leave a question unanswered or have some vague response. If they surprise you with a question you don't know the answer to, don't panic. "I'm not sure" is a perfectly fine answer. Interviewers like to see that you admit when you don't know the answer to something. They know that you don't know everything. If you like, you can ask about it after the interview. If there's a question that they ask and the answer is negative, for example that you don't have experience in X or you don't know something, turn it around to your advantage and let them know that you are excited about learning about it,  or that you have Y skill, which should make it easier for you to learn X. 

Read Their Body Language

Often times I can tell what kind of answer my interviewers are looking for based on their body language. Experienced recruiters will attempt to look very partial and non-biased in their interviews, but you can always tell what they really want from you. Listen to them describe the job description and what they're looking for. Listen carefully.

• If they seem to repeat certain qualifications or skills, keep that in mind. They must really want the person they hire to have those qualifications. 
• If they say something negative about their job/company, file that away because you'll need to prove that you can handle it.
•  If they look concerned or stutter a bit when describing a certain aspect of the job, that means that they are slightly worried that you don't have the experience to deal with it or that you won't want to deal with it. File that away as well, you'll need to prove, confidently, that you can and will. 
• If they appear distant or disengaged. Pull out your charisma and try to get their full attention. They may not be sold on you. So make eye contact, smile and try to sell yourself well. 
• Watch their wording. If they say "What you will be doing in the position is..." then that means that they probably like you a lot and are pushing to hire you. They have subconsciously put you in the position. If they say "What you would be doing is,..."  then you still have some selling to do, but that doesn't necessarily mean defeat. Experienced recruiters will use this to keep unbiased and difficult to read, fortunately most recruiters aren't that experienced so you're probably good. 
• If they describe the opportunity to make it sound kind of basic, then they think you're a bit over qualified. You'll have to convince them that this job is better for you than a job that you are better qualified for, and why you are passionate about it. 

Always Have Questions

You must ALWAYS have questions. It shows that you are truly interested in the job and what you'll be getting into. It also shows that you care to find out if it's a good fit for you. My favorite questions are as follows: 

• What is the environment like? 
• Do people tend to work independently or in a team? 
• What did you do before accepting this position? 
• What skills do you think are most important to have to excel in this position? 
• What's your favorite part of having this job? Least favorite? 
• Can you describe your average day? 

I know it's a lot, but just keep calm and do your best. Interviews are just socially acceptable arenas to judge someone mercilessly in a short period of time to see if someone will be a good employee. Treat it as such and prepare well. It's hard to judge you in an hour! So give them everything they need to make an accurate assessment. The better prepared you are, the less likely you will be to be anxious about being judged. That being said, interviews are a very logical place to be nervous. Let yourself be nervous, it's okay. Just try not to let it show.

Typical Interview Questions:

• Why did you apply for this job?
• Why are you interested in our company?
• How does your previous experience apply to this position?
•  Why do you think you'll be a good fit?
• What excites you about the role?
• What potential problems do you think will arise?
• What is your ideal manager-employee relationship?
• Do you work well in a team?
• Tell me about a time you made a mistake. What did you do to fix it?
• Tell me about a time things didn't go as planned. How did you deal with it?
• How do you stay organized? (I often say lists) 
• How do you de-stress?
• What three skills would make you most qualified for this job?
• Can you describe our product in your own words?
• Describe your experience at your previous company

Advice for Recent Graduates Based on My Own Experiences

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We are taught from the moment we can talk that we can accomplish anything with our lives if we set our minds to it. If we ever have any doubt whether or not it's possible, we are given shinning examples of what hard-work and determination can yield. Eventually, we create our own standards of achievement. Soon we're in college trying to make our dreams come true to become like our role models. However, many of us suffer from instant gratification. In order to feel successful, we must see the fruits of our labor immediately. Because that's what happened in the case of our role models right? Well, not quite. After graduating, I was struck with the reality that success in the form that I  imagined it is VERY difficult to obtain, and is often never obtained. Does that mean give up? On the contrary, it means that we have to realize that in a social media driven world where success is measured by the amount of respect or admiration we obtain, or the number of likes we have on Facebook, we have to approach our goals differently and remember to fight the good fight. Here are some tips that I have learned to cope with post grad reality.

1. Check Your Ego

When applying for jobs, I had to do a serious ego check. I thought that since I had leadership roles and excelled in university I would have no trouble rising above the pack and obtaining a job. I had a padded resume and a similarly padded ego. I was in for a reality check when I was still jobless after several months, just like many others. Graduating university is a big deal, and I don't mean to de-legitimize that, however remember that there are MANY other people applying for the same jobs as you are. Many others with great credentials and personalities. If you think you deserve something more than someone else then you are setting yourself up for a huge emotional disaster if things don't work out. So humble yourself. That way when you get a job, you'll be genuinely grateful for it.

2. You Are Not Alone

I often found myself thinking that me being unable to find a job was my own fault. I must not be bright enough or charismatic enough. My shortcomings were because I was sub-par, as a result I began to feel very isolated and alone. What was wrong with me? Did I not deserve a job? My friends had gotten jobs just fine. When in reality others struggled with me. I phoned a few friends and they told me how they were in exactly the same conundrum as I was! Soon, I felt so much better knowing that I wasn't alone. You never are alone in this issue. Thousands of recent grads are suffering with you and would love to share sentiments with you over a glass of wine.

3. Accept Failure 

Say it with me "I am going to fail before I succeed." The sooner you embrace it, the happier you'll be. I took a job right out of university and I thought it was such a huge accomplishment. But it turned out that that job was a huge disaster. The working conditions were poor and the management was trying to push me out. I ended up having to walk away from that job. I thought I was such a failure for having gone through that. However, I realized that my role models had to fail ALOT before becoming successful. What the media doesn't show us is all the screw ups that led to the successful icon we see today. The success is great, but the failures are critical. You're going to face rejection and screw ups before you see the light. Just keep at it!

4. Do What Makes You Happy 

We are taught that we must go to college to get a good job so that we can make money and live respected and comfortable lives. The things we care about and our job are often considered separate entities. I hate this ideology. If you really want to apply for some job that you know you will love, but you also feel you can't get, apply any way! Who knows right? Always push to do what makes you happy. If you like to draw, draw and put your art online. Join a meetup group with other artists, and take some classes. Cultivate what you love, because when you have true passion for something often a career will create itself. If you're like me, you can cultivate these things in your free-time and watch the opportunities unfold. I hear too often that people let 'making a living' detract from what they truly love in life. Explore these opportunities and just go with it!

5. Keep an Open Mind 

Like my mother would say, "You're young! You have no kids! Live your life and explore." In otherwords, be open to new opportunities even if they aren't ideal or what your envisioned. Life is too short to shut doors on new things because of fear of the unknown. Take a chance and if it doesn't work out then now ya know!