Contemplation

No One Is Normal, So Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

What qualifies itself as being objectively normal, and how do scientists or psychologists quantify normality? On what basis do they determine abnormality? Well, there isn’t a single answer to this. Apparently, there is a bit of disagreement about this among the scientific community. In the 19^th century a Belgian mathematician named Adolphe Quetelet used a statistical tool to find a series of ‘types’ of people. These included heart rate, blood pressure, weight, height, etc. From these statistics he was able to create a model of the “normal” human being based on the frequency of occurrence of certain attributes. This neat little statistic, as a result isolated those who did not fit the statistical model of normality. For example, if they were overweight or had high blood pressure. While these statistics are nice, they are merely statistics. There are many subtleties to take into consideration when trying to define normality. For example, how can a person with several psychological illnesses function “normally” in social settings?

I argue that normality is a culturally specific term. The culture you live in dictates the way you define normality. If you live in a place where most people have blonde hair, blue eyes and super thin, then naturally normal means blonde hair, blue eyes, super thin. If you have brown eyes, dark black hair and are a bit curvy, you’d probably stand out as an abnormality. Unfortunately, because we have an ingrained sense of “us vs. them”, we have a natural tendency to alienate those who are different than the accepted norm. The opposite of normal is abnormal and abnormal implies defect, rarity, or wrongness. If among your peers or community, you exhibit a trait that makes you inherently different, rejoice because normality is simply a social construct to help us understand humanity. It is not a set of guidelines you should live by!

Back when I was in the hell-hole called high school, I was surrounded by girls who wanted desperately to fit in. Naturally, being the weirdo that I am, I gravitated towards the “outcasts” -the girls who weren’t obsessed with who Zack is dating, what trendy clothes they should buy from Abercrombie, or the drama between Lisa and Marissa.  We talked about stuff we cared about and even weird stuff that the other girls scoffed at (like video game theories). We didn’t care! We even felt bad for them! We were smart enough to understand that there was probably some kind of pain or longing that motivated their overwhelming drive for acceptance. We also recognized that maybe their priorities were in the wrong place or they admired the wrong kind of person. To us we were normal and they were the freaks who wanted to be popular.

In my case, the ‘popular’ girls used normality as a tool to encourage superiority and hierarchy. The more ‘normal’ someone was perceived to be by the community, the more popular they were fated to become. As long as they embodied the kind of values, ideas, and interests as the people considered normal, and ditched their own. That's horse-sh*t! No one can hold a claim on normality! There are too many people who think, live, dress and act differently from them for that kind of narrow minded thinking!

So moral of the story is to be whoever you are and make a point to be accepting of others for their differences. Find people who accept you for who and what you are, and help shape you into a better person. Of course there will always be people who will judge you for being weird, bizarre or hard to understand. That’s a good thing. Everyone wants to be unique, yet they don’t want to be seen as weird or too different. They still want to be accepted by others. F*ck it! Be yourself! Accept that not everyone is going to like you. Cultivate your unique interests, hobbies and passions to something you love, and then the attention will follow later. And be accepting of others for their differences! 

Credit: Aeon

To The Christians Supporting Hate: The Forgotten Messages the Bible Tells About Love

This weekend, I scrolled down my social media. With a heavy heart, I learned of the Muslim ban and the heinous, ill-informed “Christians” who, despite being taught to love your neighbor as yourself, have given their hearts to a cause that is racist, discriminatory and unjust.

Yes, I am a Christian. When I was too small to reach the dinner table, I sang “Jesus loves me this I know” hand in hand with fellow Christians of varying races and backgrounds. As an angsty teen, I participated in bible studies that taught on the embodiment of  virtues such as love, forgiveness and non-discrimination towards people that are different than us. We all sat around the same circle studying and magnifying the works of Jesus, who hung out with tax-collectors, thieves, gentiles, prostitutes and the ill. Yet, those same people have come out to the forefront supporting the very same values Jesus condemned with all His being and DIED to reveal to us.

The election has brought out the ugly in all of us, but I would never imagine that my fellow Christian peers would allow themselves to fall victim to such hate, violence and bigotry. This is against the very doctrines of the Christian faith. However, this is not new. Christianity has been used as the basis for racist, violent, and abhorrent acts since before the founding of the New World, but it has to end. To those of you who are a little bit salty (okay, very salty)  towards Christians right now because the majority of vocal Christians have been in support of horrible things, I understand your sentiments, but please give me your attention for a moment to clarify some things for you.

Above everything else, if you know nothing else about the Christian faith, Christianity is about love. Unconditional love. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what your beliefs are, what your faith is, what the color of your skin is, your sexuality, your gender, your political affiliation, or socioeconomic status- my most IMPORTANT job as a Christian is to love you. All of you. As a Christian, my responsibility is to treat you how I would treat myself, because we are one family and one body. My responsibility, as the bible tells, is to give food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless and help to the helpless. None of this is conditional. I cannot refuse to help you because you are Syrian, Muslim, a Republican, a Democrat, transgender, gay, an immigrant, or just disagree with my beliefs. Jesus didn’t say to only love other Christians. He didn’t say love those who agree with you. He said love YOUR NEIGHBOR as yourself. Your neighbor is everyone.  “For God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” God so loves THE WORLD!!!!! Jesus was an outcast. He was born into great poverty and conflict. His life is the reason Christians are supposed to help the less fortunate, He is the reason we are to love others and He is the reason we are to condemn hate against one another.

To everyone out there who is afraid, know this. There are Christians out there who support human rights for everyone. There are Christians out there who stand for justice for all (not just Americans) and loving kindness. There are Christians out there who are not discriminatory because of people’s differences. There are Christians out there who stand with immigrants, Muslims, Hispanics, homosexuals, and the poor. I am one of them and I will always stand with you, fight with you, and support you. 

6 Tell-Tale Signs That You're Highly Intelligent

We are obsessed with being unique and highly intelligent. Some people go crazy over their IQ scores and test scores claiming those are a testament to their incredible intellect. Frankly, science doesn't actually back up any of these claims. In a nut shell, studies have shown that intelligence is a hard quality to measure. It's simply too multifaceted. Psychologists Howard Garner claims that there are approximately 8 intelligences, some examples being musical, verbal and logical. Fact of the matter is, we don't understand much about intelligence at all. However, what we do know is that there are few experiences and behaviors that highly intelligent people experience more often. If you've felt a little different from others and you're unsure if you're highly intelligent, hopefully this list will be a step closer to providing you with some answers.

Your Mind is Always on Maximum Overdrive

Okay, so that was a bit of an over exaggeration, but you get the picture. Day in and day out your mind is rolling! It comes up with crazy ideas for stuff, thinks of funny jokes, over analyzes conversations, comes up with weird scenarios, asks questions about stuff it's curious about, overthinks up-coming events, becomes anxious about random stuff- it never really stops. However, you don't always mind it. If you find that you think a lot, and find that you STILL love being alone with your thoughts, you're probably among the more highly intelligent. Let me give you an example, my mind races 24/7 but I prefer to be alone so I can encourage these thoughts. Not the bad ones of course, but the interesting ones. I'll let my mind wander and think about weird stuff, because I find it interesting. In fact, I like to feed it with new information, knowledge and content so I think even MORE interesting thoughts. 

You Want To Find People to Have Deep Conversations With, But Often Can't 

You crave deeper conversations and deep connections with people. You desperately want to share your intricately bizarre thoughts with someone who will understand them. You want to talk about the more intellectually stimulating topics that the average person will want nothing to do with. However, you have a very hard time finding this person. Maybe it's because you're to anti-social, or maybe it's because you don't know where to look. Whatever the reason, you feel disconnected from other potentially intelligent people and it bothers you. As result, you probably feel very lonely.

You Are Critical of What You See and Hear

You don't just blindly believe what you read, hear or see. You like to question it's validity, do research on it, consider its flaws and think of potential ways to prove its inaccuracy. Its not that you don't trust the person delivering the message, it's that you don't just believe anything. If you're like me, you stumble upon a great deal of articles that boast "ways successful people think differently", "tips to succeed from successful people", or "habits of successful people". It's so monotonous and the tips are all the same. If you're highly intelligent, you are skeptical of the practicality of this advice. You understand that everyone's path to success is different and that broad advice about success may not apply to you. Success is also partly driven by luck, so you take that advice with a grain of salt.

You Constantly Seek Knowledge 

 You think about the things you don't know and are always seeking to fill the gaps. You read articles, books, scientific studies, videos - anything that enriches your life by contributing to your library of knowledge. You're not opposed to admitting when you're wrong or don't know something. Saying "I don't know" is not a testament to something you lack, but more of an opportunity to add to your knowledge.

You're Open Minded 

Your curiosity often leads you down deep rabbit holes of sometimes bizarre information, however you like to stay open minded to new information, experiences and people. You don't dismiss different ways of viewing things without understanding it as best you can and doing your research. You consider alternative views and weigh their merits.

You're Probably Very Introverted

Studies have shown that there is a correlation between high intelligence and introversion, however, notice I said probably. Not all highly intelligent people are introverted. You can very well be extremely outgoing and be intelligent. Studies have just noted that more intelligent people happen to be introverted. That still does not necessarily mean that extroverted people are naturally less intelligent.

How To Move Forward in the Current Political Climate

You don’t need to look at the news to tell that there’s a lot of chaos in the world right now. All you need to do is scroll through your Facebook feed! The chaos isn’t in any isolated location, it’s all around us. The recent political events, that resulted in Donald Trump as the President of the United States, has shaken us to the core. Riots and protests have risen in the streets and social media has exploded with crazy sauce! Many people have made their opinions hard to miss and those who oppose these opinions have been fighting them tooth and nail. It’s a constant back and forth that will never lead to progress. However, do not mistake my words for apathy. I do understand where people’s frustrations are coming from, but I also recognize their flaws. I think two of the biggest issues facing us today are that people are not listening to one another or thinking critically about many issues. I have known people who support something for reasons they cannot provide. Sometimes they just do so because another person who shares in their general belief system says so. As an intelligent people, we need to think critically for ourselves and we need to encourage others to do the same.

Think Critically

There is a perfusion of “fake news” or news that is mostly or entirely false, but used as click-bate to attract readers. The headlines are often so obscure and insane that it often demands a double take, then after you read it carefully it demands a hearty laugh as you continue to scroll past it. However, several people, excuse me, millions of people have been duped into believing fake news. An NPR segment with Craig Silverman, media editor for Buzzfeed, shed some light on the topic by sharing the truth about fake news to willing audiences. Surprisingly, hundreds of fake news articles come out of Macedonia in the Balkans, where young teenagers (who know little to nothing about American politics) capitalize on the intensifying political climate in the U.S. According to Silverman, who was able to interview some of these fake website owning teens, they follow the trends, create websites they know will attract viewers and make money. A lot of their content is based loosely on very biased conservative media content that they have tweaked to gain attention. They often evoke a strong emotional response. They understand that feeding into extreme biases is the way to more money. As a result, media platforms, that actually broadcast truthful content, get left in the dust. In the 35 minute interview Silverman talks about the phenomenon: “…For the pages that were partisan pages on the right and the left, if you had stuff that really appealed to people's existing beliefs, [content that] really appealed to a negative perception of Hillary Clinton [or] a negative perception of Donald Trump - even if it completely bent the truth, that would perform much better than a sort of purely factual thing.”

The fact of the matter is that we as people do not psychologically like to be wrong. So we look for media that confirms our biases. If it disagrees with us, we probably won’t consider it, we’ll probably double down on what we already believe. That’s the power of false news. As the interview goes on, Silverman also states, ““So if you're reading stuff that aligns perfectly with your political beliefs, it makes you feel really good and really excited and you share it, Facebook is going to see that as a signal that you want more of that stuff. So that's why the false misleading stuff does really well is because it's highly emotion-driven. It tells people exactly what they want to hear. It makes them feel very comforted and it gets them to react on the platform. And the platform sees that content does really well and Facebook feeds more of it to more people.”

We need to be critical observers of media content. Be very critical of what you read always, because biases and information often creep into news content and you need to keep yourself informed not brainwashed. If you come across some piece of information, try to look it up using multiple websites. You want to view the issue from a few different prospectives. We must educate ourselves every day. Learn what motivates the opposing side. Where do their beliefs come from and why do they believe the way they do. Educate yourself, educate yourself, educate yourself.

Listen 

No one is going to want to hear this, but we need to have more dialogue between the two opposing sides and actually listen to each other. Many of my friends on Facebook are assuming things about the participants of the Women’s March without actually having ANY evidence to back it up. They simply think they know what liberals are thinking. Liberals are guilty of this as well! Many assume that Trump supporters are all racist and sexist. That isn’t always the case. Lack of understanding and the profusion of misinformation, I believe, can stem from people being unwilling to actually want the truth, so we’ll believe anything that lines up with our views. Try not to let your emotions get the better of you while researching ideologies of the opposing side, simply seek to learn. I know this is VERY hard, but please understand the incredible benefits it will have for you and others around you. One, you will not be able to count yourself as one of those poor misinformed people shouting non-sense that isn’t actually true. These people contribute to the problem. You want to be part of the solution. Two, you’ll be able to eloquently state facts instead of “feelings” or “opinions” whenever faced with someone who is attacking your side. I say that no one wants to hear this because some people may say “I’m tired of listening! These people are insane!!” But have you really been listening?

Please don’t think I’m condoning complacency, but I do think you should educate yourself and do your research BEFORE moving on to the more active responses. The more we educate ourselves and try to understand each other the better off we’ll be.


Source: NPR

Social Media is Depressing You. Here's What You Can Do About It

 It was a few months after my graduation and I had just quit my job. I had a horrible boss and a toxic work environment at best. There were a few people there that made it bearable, but I digress. I graduated with honors from a university in Boston, volunteered, got involved in the departmental matters and everything, but there I was sitting in my apartment without a job for three months. In between looking for jobs and updating my resume and crap, I would find myself moseying over to Facebook from time to time. I wish I hadn't, but I was addicted. It some ways it was a way to stay in tune with what's going on in the world. However, that came with a price. Constant images of success, happiness, new jobs, internships, vacations, pregnancies, and wedding engagements inundated me to no end. As a result, I sank deeper into my funk. I grew so envious of my Facebook friends that I didn't speak to any of them, like any of their statuses, or interact with them in any way, shape, or form. I was hurting myself more than they were inadvertently hurting me.

It's a psychological game that social media forces us to play. It forces images of perfection and happiness down our throats everyday to compel us to compete with others for attention and validation. Bad news is there's not much we can do about it. It's everywhere! Pinterest is entirely dedicated to making you lust after things you don't have, and don't get me started about Instagram. The reality is that we are being force fed images that evoke feelings of envy, inadequacy and inferiority. Social media, commercials, advertisements, Youtube videos, movies, etc. So what do we do about it? We may not be able to remove the imagery in question entirely from our lives, but we can learn to regulate how we react and do little things to push us towards true contentment.

Remove Yourself

While you may not be able to remove yourself entirely from social media, you can cut out the websites that are causing you the most grief. You don't need to be on Facebook everyday to know what's happening with your friends. It's perfectly acceptable to check in once a week or once every two weeks. Whatever you feel like is best for you. Remove yourself from sites or anything that causes you to feel inferior or compels you to lust after things you don't have. Keep in mind that if you have a website that constantly reminds you of everything you don't have, yet it doesn't bother you or make you feel less than, you can still use those sites. Just use them productively. They may be good idea generators for using the things you do have! 

Assess Your Attitude 

In a world of selfies and narcissism, it's easy to think you deserve attention and praise. After all, John got a bunch of attention and he doesn't even do anything important! You won't want to hear this, but you do not deserve a bunch of attention just because you want it. You don't deserve any more than John does. So check your ego and make sure that you don't allow your head to swell up with envy. On the flip side, a lot of our Facebook friends actually do post impressive accomplishments and that is probably much worst. Any update of any kind is embellished with a witty quip and a filtered photograph (throw a few hashtags in there for good measure) and posted straight to social media. What people don't realize is that while they're posting their lives on Facebook, there is a psychological burden that their audience may face. Fact is, they probably don't care and neither should you. Their success isn't your failure. Their success is their success and your success is your success. Be happy for that person and move on. If it makes you feel better, begin planning the ways you want to succeed and make goals for yourself. Or you can make a list of all the things that you accomplished recently. 

Understand What Happiness Isn't

Please understand that getting a bunch of likes on Facebook or Instagram does not constitute happiness. Sure you'll be pretty cheery about it for a while, but then you'll crave more likes and more attention once that has worn off. The cycle never ends. Focus instead on being successful in your own way as opposed to the way that will get likes. Also keep in mind that although people have big smiles and pretty faces on Facebook, that doesn't mean that is the end all be all. It's a single still photograph of a single moment. In the background a lot of darker things are probably going on in their lives. Everyone is struggling with something, but their way of coping with it may be different from yours. Maybe the way they cope with hardship is to garner attention for posting pictures of the more picturesque side of their lives. The validation may help them feel better. While some of us (me included) are happiest far far away from other people. Neither of these is more right than the other. It's just a matter of what makes you happy. 

Replace Social Media 

Now that you've purged your life of some of the more toxic social media sites, you can begin to find other things to do to fill your time. If you find yourself bored on the subway, on the bus or in line, try reading a book through the Kindle app instead. Or surf the web using Stumble Upon, an app that directs you to random websites based on your interests. Maybe listen to a podcast about old pioneers or watch a Ted Talks about something. Whatever you do, just make your not scrolling through social media for hours. 

You can find the study linking depression to excessive Facebook use to depression here

How does social media affect you? How have you learned to deal with it?

Tip For Overcoming Procrastination -You Don't

As human beings we fall prey to malevolent temptations everyday. We tell ourselves that we won't have junk food today, but screw that we had a rough day at work today and no one but the lord can keep this vehicle from pulling up to the Taco Bell drive through. We're not very good at sticking to what we say we'll do. Our thoughts and actions often diverge without us having much control over it. In fact, in a book called Blink by Michael Gladwell he studies a group of people at a speed dating event. He describes a young girl named Mary who set a list of traits she looks for in a potential partner. However, after meeting a young man she fancied that did not encompass the traits she described, he preferences had changed. Turned out that Mary didn't actually know what she wanted in a partner. Her thoughts would suggest one thing but her actions suggested another. This study shows us that we have little control over what we do or feel like doing.

Say you're in college and you have an essay due next week. You're probably thinking "Whatevs I have plenty of time!" But then you realize that you tend to procrastinate till the last possible moment, thus making a PAINFUL essay writing session at two in the morning and the quality of your essay plummets. You want to start writing your essay early so you put in your planner to being writing tomorrow evening. Guess what? Tomorrow evening arrives and you totally don't feel like writing your essay at all. You're sleepy from classes and you just realized that a new episode of the Walking Dead is airing tonight. Stuff happens and you will to do what you planned is influenced by many conscious and subconscious factors. So there's really not much you can do about it. Sometimes you'll actually do what you said you'll do and sometimes you won't. When procrastination sets in hard, you'll find it almost painful to do what you're supposed to be doing. You may even convince yourself to stop doing it mid-way!

You never really "overcome" procrastination. If you get rid of it one day, it'll be back to crash at your place the next day. Whenever I feel really lazy and don't feel like doing anything, I let myself feel lazy. I don't try to fight that feeling or make myself feel bad about feeling lazy. It's natural. However what helps me get stuff done is to prime myself. I don't go do something super fun and awesome right before I know I have to finish something lame like an essay. You can prime yourself by beginning to plan your task in your head. Imagine yourself finishing the task and try to find something fun about the task. Prime yourself by imagining that you will finish your task with ease and will have plenty of time to spare for other tasks. If you're trying to get yourself to do chores imagine how much better you will feel once the area is clean and stuff is un-cluttered. If you're trying to get yourself to plan a date to hang out with someone, imagine that you are having a wonderful time with that person and gaining a valuable connection.

Priming is actually backed by science! In a study conducted by two Dutch scientists mentioned in Blink by Gladwell, they had groups of students answering 40 difficult questions from the game Trivial Pursuit. Half of the group was asked to think about and write down what they think it means to be a professor. The other half was asked to think about and write down soccer hooligans. The first half of the group answered 55.6 percent of the questions correctly. The second half answered 42.6 percent correctly. The difference between those two numbers is enormous and a testament to the power of priming. Because the first group of students put themselves in a professorial frame of mind, they were able to channel their inner scholar, thus making these trivia questions a bit easier to answer. They were able to imagine themselves as professors.

If you don't take away anything else from this post, take away the point of simply priming yourself to do the work. When I say priming I don't mean psyche yourself up. Just imagine yourself accomplishing the task and then imagine some good thing that will result from the accomplished task. And don't beat yourself up if you slip up from time to time! It happens!

How do you cope with procrastination? What's your philosophy?

Music that Calms My Anxiety

Every once in a while, I find myself sword and shield in hand fighting my hardest to keep the pain of anxiety at bay. Like in physical wars, there is no winner in a war against anxiety and fear. In reality, it's just me looking for a place of refuge to escape the inner turmoil that engulfs me from time to time.
I read self-help guides to try to break the cycle, however many guides made me feel as though my anxiety is abnormal and freakishly unacceptable in normal society. I began to try to swallow my anxiety or find ways to get rid of it. Took several months and mini panic attacks for me to realize that anxiety doesn't go away. You can't make your anxiety vanish into thin air because you want it to, but you can manage it and pull yourself into a place of deep calm whenever you feel anxious. I have learned that music is an amazing way to manage and calm anxiety. So create a "calm playlist". Culminate a list of songs that tough your soul, move your spirit and captivate your imagination. It may sound counterproductive but listen to music that allows your imagination to fly to wherever you wish. For example, when I listen to music on my calm playlist my mind is instantly teleported from forests to mountains to villages in Eastern Europe that I've never been to in my life. Then when you stop listening to the music and have to return to the real world, the images will remain with you and you can remind yourself of those images as much as you like. That is the power of music and imagination.
If you're curious, here is my "Calm Playlist"! Hopefully it will give you some ideas for what to add to your own playlist.

1. Joanna Newsom - 81 

2. The Paper Kites - Featherstone

3. The Bombay Bicycle Club - You Already Know 

4. Joanna Newsom - The Sprout and the Bean 

5. Bon Iver - Holocene 

6. Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No.1 

7. Rachel Sermanni - Waltz

8. Lucy Rose - Shiver 

9. Lucy Rose - Scar

10. Patrick Watson - Big Bird in a Small Cage

11. Little Tybee - For Distant Viewing 

12. The Weather Station - Everything I Saw

13. Scott Orr - A Long Life

14. M. Ward - The Last Time I Ran Away 

15. Sufjan Stevens - Holland 

16. Eli et Papillon - Coffre Fort

What song suggestions do you have for calming anxiety? What's on your playlist?

The Truth Behind Perfect Instagram Photos

Social Media often creates pressure to present the most photogenic and perfect side of our personalities and our lives. Photographer Chompoo Baritone actually provided us with a look behind the scenes of those perfect little Instagram photos that we see day in and day out. He posted the polished version of her photos online and then incorporated them again in their uncropped originals. Here’s the result.

More info: More info: Facebook (h/t: ufunk)

Credit: TranquilMonkey.com

This Extraordinary Letter Will Help You Find Your Calling

In April of 1958, Hunter S. Thompson was 22 years old when he wrote a letter on the meaning and purpose of life when asked by his friend, Hume Logan, for advice. In just a few paragraphs, Thompson’s letter offers deeply thoughtful ideas, and what makes it all the more profound is the fact that at the time the world had no idea that he was about to become one of the greatest writers of the 20th century.

This letter is particularly extraordinary because the timelessness of its applicability. These words still ring true in the ears of youth and adults alike and its message is still considered among the wisest ever written. 

April 22, 1958
57 Perry Street
New York City

Dear Hume,

You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal — to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself.

I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind.

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you’ve ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don’t see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect — between the two things I’ve mentioned: the floating or the swimming.

But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he’s not after the “big rock candy mountain,” the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?

The answer — and, in a sense, the tragedy of life — is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.

So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis?

The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on “the meaning of man” and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term “god only knows” purely as an expression.) There’s very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I’m the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.

I’m going to steer clear of the word “existentialism,” but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called “Being and Nothingness” by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called “Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre.” These are merely suggestions. If you’re genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you’re doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors.WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.

But don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean that we can’t BE firemen, bankers, or doctors — but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires — including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.

As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).

In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life — the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.

Let’s assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let’s assume that you can’t see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN — and here is the essence of all I’ve said — you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.

Naturally, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. You’ve lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn’t any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, “I don’t know where to look; I don’t know what to look for.”

And there’s the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don’t know — is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.

If I don’t call this to a halt, I’m going to find myself writing a book. I hope it’s not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it’s pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo — this merely happens to be mine.

If any part of it doesn’t seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I’m not trying to send you out “on the road” in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that — no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You’ll have lots of company.

And that’s it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,

Your friend,
Hunter

The Problem With Understanding Intelligence

There are a lot of articles out there claiming to understand what comprises an intelligent person. They’ll site flimsy studies that affirm a myriad of very stereotypical traits about intelligent people. You’ve heard it plenty of times I’m sure. “You might be super smart if you are a night owl, introverted, don’t smoke, or have a cat instead of a dog.” To me, a lot of these claims are just plain silly. For centuries, scientists and psychologists have been trying to figure out what exactly intelligence is. More importantly, they’ve been trying to figure out how the highly intelligent think. As concrete as many articles claim the research is, we don’t actually understand intelligence much at all. If we did, more people would understand that intelligence can’t be measured and that there aren’t a set of assigned traits that intelligent people have.

An article I recently read written by Big Think created a correlation between intelligence and physical activity. If you’re highly intelligent you may not be as physically active because you prefer to be thinking. It sites a study of 60 college students with varying NFC’s (need for cognition) which, after just one week of time, discovered that those with higher NFC’s were less physically active. Therefore, it concluded that smarter people must be less active. Well, there’s a lot wrong with this deduction. First of all, there was a small pool of subjects. You need to study a lot of people to accurately gauge something as ambiguous as intelligence. Second, they only conducted the study for a week! There is no way you’re going to be able to accurately deduce anything about cognition over a span of 7 days. Things change in people’s lives and the desire to be active fluctuates based on a myriad of factors. Third, the correlation itself is a bit shady. They are claiming that those who are less active chose to stay home and think. Who says that staying home to think about stuff makes you smarter? And who does that anyway?! If I stay home instead of doing something active, I’m probably at home watching movies or something. There is clearly very flimsy evidence to suggest that lazy people are more intelligent. What if going running or playing a sport helps people think? It is very possible that certain people think more clearly or more creatively when they’re moving.

As humans we can’t help but feel we have to condense things in order to understand it. We condense vocabulary words to flash cards, we try to understand personalities by assigning colors and specific terminology to them (introvert vs. extrovert), and we try to understand groups of people by assigning them to biological races. Some of these are not even backed by real science! There is no scientific basis for biological races. We do the same for intelligence, claiming that intelligent people tend to stay up late, are thinner, and are funny. These are individual personality traits that some intelligent people may have but not all of them.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that we shouldn't try to understand intelligence, I just think that before we go making concrete claims about intelligence, we should make sure we have the science to back it up!

Personally, I don’t believe that intelligence is necessarily fixed. There are always more ways you can educate yourself, learn more about yourself and the world. Here are some ways you can make yourself a little smarter every day.

1. Keep an Open Mind 

The world is a big big place and there is so much to know about it. If you’re always held up in the same way of thinking, you may never be able to expand your mind.

2. Adapt to Changes

This is a tough one, but you must be able to adapt to changing environments and conditions. If you’re working on a project and a bunch of set-backs come your way, just adapt and re-asses.

3. Understand that there is a lot you don’t know 

You are never going to be able to know everything, but it’s better to learn as much as possible than to be content knowing nothing. Once you understand that there so much to learn and so much knowledge you don’t have, you’ll find yourself curious to learn more about stuff.

4. Be curious about stuff 

It doesn’t really matter what it's about. Just start with some interest you have and fall down the rabbit hole of information. In one day I go from technological advances in robotics to the art of meditation. The sky is the limit, so learn whatever you can!

Want To Accomplish Stuff? Stop Making New Year’s Resolutions

It’s officially 2017. Yay… Every New Year, we motivate ourselves to make huge changes in our lives, so we make resolutions. Why? Because it’s a tradition and if you don’t make them you may run the risk of appearing lazy or apathetic. However, every year you make resolutions and every year you manage to accomplish none of them (or very few). What’s up with that?

According to Psychology professor Peter Herman, when we create New Year’s resolutions we adopt something called the “false hope syndrome”, or the condition where we falsely hope to accomplish unrealistic goals. These goals are impractical and fall out of synch with who we really are. Failure to fulfil resolutions could be because we set our expectations too high, and then when it comes time to actually do something, we don’t know where to start or are afraid to take the first steps. It could also be attributed to the fact that some of us tend have a harder time accomplishing something once we’ve made it a task. For example, you’ve decided that you want to lose weight, so you say that your resolution is to lose 20 pounds. That’s actually a lot harder than it sounds and is no longer something exciting that you really want to do-it’s just another task for the checklist and can be easily neglected when other things in your life take priority. The solution is to treat goals like a hobby.

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions here’s my challenge for you. Make goals into hobbies. Why do we have hobbies? Because people like to do things they enjoy. You probably won’t enjoy losing 20 pounds (let’s just be real) but ask yourself this, what about losing 20 pounds excites you? What part of that process do you really want to do or already love doing? For example, do you like to cook and are excited about making certain recipes, are you a dancer and want to join a dance group, do you like to go hiking, running, or just want to join meetup group of people who are also trying to lose weight. Make your goals something that you actually want to do. Keep in the back of your mind that the end goal is to lose weight, but enjoy the journey and celebrate every victory. Celebrate after you lose 5 pounds, 10 pounds etc. After all, having goals is supposed to be fun!

Stop making resolutions that are ridiculously hard to accomplish like quitting smoking, getting more organized or getting into grad school. These are intimidating goals and take a careful amount of planning to accomplish. Most of us simply won’t do it. Know yourself and how you tick. Are you the kind of person that is very goal oriented and accomplishes what they set out to do, or are you the type of person that needs a (a lot) of motivating. If you’re the later type then using fun goals as motivation will serve you well. Don’t crush yourself with expectations then feel bad about it when you aren’t successful. Have some sympathy for your future self and ease up a bit, you’ll thank me later.  

Philosophical Mediation For Anxiety

In my precious post entitled F*ck Feelings: Practical Ways to Manage Anxiety, I mentioned briefly a term called Philosophical Meditation. While I explained briefly what the term meant, I’d like to elaborate on exactly how effective this kind of meditation truly is.

According to the School of Life, which has become my new favorite Youtube Channel, Philosophical Meditation is inspired by Western philosophical methods of coping with anxiety. What we consider to be traditional meditation is an Eastern philosophical practice that emphasizes the removal of oneself from what is causing you distress. It advocates that you remove yourself physically to a quiet and undisturbed location and allow yourself to take on an objective view of what you feel. This is particularly effective if you are in dire need of focus and calm, however the key to Eastern meditation is that you must physically remove yourself from everything. What if there was a way to meditate without removing yourself, closing your eyes, or focusing intensely for several minutes? You’re not gonna believe this, but there is.

Philosophical Meditation is the act of identifying your thoughts and feelings and rationalizing exactly what you fear. Let me tell you, it works wonders. For example, imagine that tomorrow is your first day at a new job. You’re very very anxious and your mind is spinning with what ifs and its driving you mad. Here’s how you use Philosophical Meditation to regulate your anxiety.

1. Identify Exactly What it Is You’re Afraid Of

Do not try to understand why you’re feeling afraid, try to get a grasp of exactly what is causing you to feel afraid. Are you afraid that you’ll get to work late, make a bad impression, make stupid mistakes, or end up hating the job? Identify exactly what is causing you grief and write them out on a notepad.

2. Begin to Rationalize Your Fears and Make a Plan

Here is where you tackle your fears head on. Show no mercy. Take a second to write out exactly why these fears are overblown or irrational then make a plan of action. If you’re worried about being late, write down your plan to avoid being late plan your route carefully and set your alarm to wake you up a little earlier. Ask yourself, “What if I’m late anyways? What happens then?” Then you can begin to rationalize your thoughts by saying something along the lines of, “Well, I have a contact that I can email/call if something goes awry, and people probably understand that I don’t really understand the best routes to get there yet. It’s only the first day, they expect you to mess up.”

The key to Philosophical Meditation is to force that grey area of unaddressed improbabilities into the spotlight, and to break them down using rationality and logic. I can’t tell you how many times this has helped me cope with my ridiculously severe anxiety. I find that my fears do not stand up to much scrutiny when in the lime light. It simply doesn’t take much for our insecurities to fall apart. In part, this may be because our emotions protect these fears to a great extent. Your emotions act as a kind of barrier to deter you from delving into what you fear simply because you fear them. If you deny your feelings influence over you for a moment and just get to the core of what you are afraid of, you will begin to see some real improvements. If you find yourself growing anxious again, return to your notepad and read what you fear and your rationalizations of your fears. I doesn’t matter how many times you have to remind yourself, just do what it takes to manage your anxiety.


You can watch the School of Life video about Philosophical Mediation here.

Nothing Is Original: The True Key to Creativity

I am a very creative person. My imaginings, daydreams and visions are often so vivid that I feel an incessant pull to express and share what I’m experiencing. If I’m not able to express them in a form I enjoy, I tend to become emotionally imbalanced. Therefore, it’s imperative that take advantage of the many outlets I have to express my creativity. I mentioned in a previous post how you can get creative. I utilize many, if not all of these outlets on a daily basis. I sing using an app called Sing!, I write music, I play piano, I design outfits on Polyvore, I write blogposts and short stories, I study languages, and create playlists on Youtube. Strangely enough, I need every one of these outlets. Without them, I feel like I’ve lost something dear to me. That’s exactly what this new book I read explains. In Austin Kleon’s book Steal Like An Artist, he elaborates on exactly what it takes to create awesome things, but it’s not what you may think.

Artists are frequently told to think outside the box, be creative or seek originality. These are not entirely incorrect but they neglect a key point- nothing is original. Kleon says that great artists understand that nothing comes from nowhere. All creative work just builds upon something that came before it. In other words, great artists simply steal material they like from previous artists and emulate them into their own personal style. For example, if I’m a songwriter looking for creative ways to write new music, I should find other artists I love and study them. What is their inspiration, what is their songwriting style, who influenced their sound? With this information, I can begin to create my own sound. You should definitely give this book a read, but in the meantime, here are the main take aways!

Find Something Worth Stealing

Search for things that touch your heart and soul and make a note to use those for inspiration. Collect anything that kicks your imagination into gear, makes you feel good or makes you think. It can be anything from movies, novels, poems, photography, fashion, etc.

Find Heroes

Is there a particular artist who you already have in mind as your inspiration? Perfect. However, it is better to have a conglomerate of inspiration than just a single artist. After all, you don’t want to just take from a single artist. Create a tree of heroes. Find out who your hero gets their inspiration from. Then research where they got their inspiration from. What other artists are similar to your heroes? Where did they get their inspiration? It’s good to deeply understand where you are getting your inspiration, because you don’t just want to imitate others, you want to see what they see and understand the thinking behind their art. That will help you to create your own.

Emulate Your Heroes

So at some point in the creative process you’ll need to create your own personal style. Use what you know about your heroes and create something that is uniquely your own. Ask yourself “Is there something the artist missed? What should they make?” Then make that. Take the inspiration from your heroes and make what you would want to see or hear yourself. What is the kind of music you LOVE hearing? Take that and apply that to your inspiration.

Get Bored

Creativity pairs well with boredom. You may notice that when you’re bored you come up with some interesting ideas, so let yourself be bored. Wash dishes, take a walk, iron clothes, organize your closet, and stare out the window. Just let your mind wander and write down all those interesting ideas you encounter. Creative people aren’t always leading excitingly cinematic lives. We have day jobs, pets and families just like everyone else. The only difference is that creative people fill every moment they aren’t working with something creative.

Create Constraints

I know this sounds counter-productive, but creativity also works best with constraints. There is nothing more paralyzing than having an infinite amount of options. If you have fewer options, your creativity can really get to work! So set some boundaries before you start working. Pick a theme, topic, or some constraint that will help focus your work so that you’re not paralyzed by the possibilities.

Don’t Seek Validation

Some people create amazing things but almost never share them because they’re afraid of what people will think of them. As Keon puts it “Validation is for parking”. Your job is create what you love and share it with others. You can’t control who is going to like it and who isn’t, just embrace those who appreciate your work as they come, but don’t rely on their compliments. You’re doing this for you.  

Hope this helps! What has helped to spur your creativity? What do you do to get the creative juices flowing?

Why The Holidays Aren't So Bright Anymore

There was a certain sparkle in my eyes as I stared at the Christmas tree. I was small enough that it towered over me, and the shimmering lights, velvet red ribbon, and glittering ornaments were captivated me with pure magic. When the tree goes up, it's officially Christmas. And I loved Christmas. It was one time of year where I was showered with gifts, surrounded by family, stuffed with delicious food, and rushed to all sorts of exciting events. My spirit was all a glow and my heart was so very warm. However, as I aged, that glow dimmed and that warmth faded. Ever since I graduated college, holly jolly Christmases have been hard to come by. 

When I was in college, I had ample amount of time after finals dedicated solely to enjoying the holidays. I took for granted how wonderful a three week vacation is compared to 10 days, which is what I have now. I was able to hop on a plane right after my last final (which was typically the 18^th or 19^th) and be home several days before Christmas. I could help decorate, plan fun activities leading up to Christmas, and just rest a while. Two years in a row my sister and I planned Christmas around the world. In around four or five days we’d celebrate Christmas traditions from around the world with each day being a different country. It was all I could think about while studying for finals. I also had less responsibility to buy gifts. I was a college student, so no one expected me to afford gifts. I worked part time, so I was able to afford small gifts to my immediate family, but otherwise all I was expected to do was receive. It was much simpler and stress-free back then.

Now that I’m a working adult with bills, student loans and responsibility, the holidays have become much more of a hassle. I have to save enough money to buy gifts for everyone, while making sure my bills get paid, and I have enough for travel expenses. I arrived home just two days before Christmas and my boyfriend and I were exhausted from travel and work. The light of the Christmas tree seemed far less magical as my mind constantly swirled with anxiety relating to buying gifts, traveling, paying bills, etc.

To move forward from this thinking, we must change the way we celebrate and anticipate the holiday season. I always saw them as a celebration of potential to receive and to experience magic for myself. The way I felt when I was young may never be happen again, but it can for someone else. Someone else can have the same passion and warmth that I had if I just give a little. It’s also a time to remember all the good times and hard times of the year and commend your friends and family for overcoming it all. The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to celebrate Christmas traditionally. Sometimes I plan to do things that I’ve traditionally done with my family in the past, but then I end up being too tired to do them. Then I feel bad about it, and think the holiday was just bad or something. Instead, treat every holiday like a whole new one. One year you may just decide to chill out and have wine while you marathon British comedies.  Don’t try to over plan. Just enjoy your break from work or school and do activities as you feel. So give to others, don’t over plan, and try new things. That’s what Christmas is all about.