Social Media is Depressing You. Here's What You Can Do About It

 It was a few months after my graduation and I had just quit my job. I had a horrible boss and a toxic work environment at best. There were a few people there that made it bearable, but I digress. I graduated with honors from a university in Boston, volunteered, got involved in the departmental matters and everything, but there I was sitting in my apartment without a job for three months. In between looking for jobs and updating my resume and crap, I would find myself moseying over to Facebook from time to time. I wish I hadn't, but I was addicted. It some ways it was a way to stay in tune with what's going on in the world. However, that came with a price. Constant images of success, happiness, new jobs, internships, vacations, pregnancies, and wedding engagements inundated me to no end. As a result, I sank deeper into my funk. I grew so envious of my Facebook friends that I didn't speak to any of them, like any of their statuses, or interact with them in any way, shape, or form. I was hurting myself more than they were inadvertently hurting me.

It's a psychological game that social media forces us to play. It forces images of perfection and happiness down our throats everyday to compel us to compete with others for attention and validation. Bad news is there's not much we can do about it. It's everywhere! Pinterest is entirely dedicated to making you lust after things you don't have, and don't get me started about Instagram. The reality is that we are being force fed images that evoke feelings of envy, inadequacy and inferiority. Social media, commercials, advertisements, Youtube videos, movies, etc. So what do we do about it? We may not be able to remove the imagery in question entirely from our lives, but we can learn to regulate how we react and do little things to push us towards true contentment.

Remove Yourself

While you may not be able to remove yourself entirely from social media, you can cut out the websites that are causing you the most grief. You don't need to be on Facebook everyday to know what's happening with your friends. It's perfectly acceptable to check in once a week or once every two weeks. Whatever you feel like is best for you. Remove yourself from sites or anything that causes you to feel inferior or compels you to lust after things you don't have. Keep in mind that if you have a website that constantly reminds you of everything you don't have, yet it doesn't bother you or make you feel less than, you can still use those sites. Just use them productively. They may be good idea generators for using the things you do have! 

Assess Your Attitude 

In a world of selfies and narcissism, it's easy to think you deserve attention and praise. After all, John got a bunch of attention and he doesn't even do anything important! You won't want to hear this, but you do not deserve a bunch of attention just because you want it. You don't deserve any more than John does. So check your ego and make sure that you don't allow your head to swell up with envy. On the flip side, a lot of our Facebook friends actually do post impressive accomplishments and that is probably much worst. Any update of any kind is embellished with a witty quip and a filtered photograph (throw a few hashtags in there for good measure) and posted straight to social media. What people don't realize is that while they're posting their lives on Facebook, there is a psychological burden that their audience may face. Fact is, they probably don't care and neither should you. Their success isn't your failure. Their success is their success and your success is your success. Be happy for that person and move on. If it makes you feel better, begin planning the ways you want to succeed and make goals for yourself. Or you can make a list of all the things that you accomplished recently. 

Understand What Happiness Isn't

Please understand that getting a bunch of likes on Facebook or Instagram does not constitute happiness. Sure you'll be pretty cheery about it for a while, but then you'll crave more likes and more attention once that has worn off. The cycle never ends. Focus instead on being successful in your own way as opposed to the way that will get likes. Also keep in mind that although people have big smiles and pretty faces on Facebook, that doesn't mean that is the end all be all. It's a single still photograph of a single moment. In the background a lot of darker things are probably going on in their lives. Everyone is struggling with something, but their way of coping with it may be different from yours. Maybe the way they cope with hardship is to garner attention for posting pictures of the more picturesque side of their lives. The validation may help them feel better. While some of us (me included) are happiest far far away from other people. Neither of these is more right than the other. It's just a matter of what makes you happy. 

Replace Social Media 

Now that you've purged your life of some of the more toxic social media sites, you can begin to find other things to do to fill your time. If you find yourself bored on the subway, on the bus or in line, try reading a book through the Kindle app instead. Or surf the web using Stumble Upon, an app that directs you to random websites based on your interests. Maybe listen to a podcast about old pioneers or watch a Ted Talks about something. Whatever you do, just make your not scrolling through social media for hours. 

You can find the study linking depression to excessive Facebook use to depression here

How does social media affect you? How have you learned to deal with it?

Tip For Overcoming Procrastination -You Don't

As human beings we fall prey to malevolent temptations everyday. We tell ourselves that we won't have junk food today, but screw that we had a rough day at work today and no one but the lord can keep this vehicle from pulling up to the Taco Bell drive through. We're not very good at sticking to what we say we'll do. Our thoughts and actions often diverge without us having much control over it. In fact, in a book called Blink by Michael Gladwell he studies a group of people at a speed dating event. He describes a young girl named Mary who set a list of traits she looks for in a potential partner. However, after meeting a young man she fancied that did not encompass the traits she described, he preferences had changed. Turned out that Mary didn't actually know what she wanted in a partner. Her thoughts would suggest one thing but her actions suggested another. This study shows us that we have little control over what we do or feel like doing.

Say you're in college and you have an essay due next week. You're probably thinking "Whatevs I have plenty of time!" But then you realize that you tend to procrastinate till the last possible moment, thus making a PAINFUL essay writing session at two in the morning and the quality of your essay plummets. You want to start writing your essay early so you put in your planner to being writing tomorrow evening. Guess what? Tomorrow evening arrives and you totally don't feel like writing your essay at all. You're sleepy from classes and you just realized that a new episode of the Walking Dead is airing tonight. Stuff happens and you will to do what you planned is influenced by many conscious and subconscious factors. So there's really not much you can do about it. Sometimes you'll actually do what you said you'll do and sometimes you won't. When procrastination sets in hard, you'll find it almost painful to do what you're supposed to be doing. You may even convince yourself to stop doing it mid-way!

You never really "overcome" procrastination. If you get rid of it one day, it'll be back to crash at your place the next day. Whenever I feel really lazy and don't feel like doing anything, I let myself feel lazy. I don't try to fight that feeling or make myself feel bad about feeling lazy. It's natural. However what helps me get stuff done is to prime myself. I don't go do something super fun and awesome right before I know I have to finish something lame like an essay. You can prime yourself by beginning to plan your task in your head. Imagine yourself finishing the task and try to find something fun about the task. Prime yourself by imagining that you will finish your task with ease and will have plenty of time to spare for other tasks. If you're trying to get yourself to do chores imagine how much better you will feel once the area is clean and stuff is un-cluttered. If you're trying to get yourself to plan a date to hang out with someone, imagine that you are having a wonderful time with that person and gaining a valuable connection.

Priming is actually backed by science! In a study conducted by two Dutch scientists mentioned in Blink by Gladwell, they had groups of students answering 40 difficult questions from the game Trivial Pursuit. Half of the group was asked to think about and write down what they think it means to be a professor. The other half was asked to think about and write down soccer hooligans. The first half of the group answered 55.6 percent of the questions correctly. The second half answered 42.6 percent correctly. The difference between those two numbers is enormous and a testament to the power of priming. Because the first group of students put themselves in a professorial frame of mind, they were able to channel their inner scholar, thus making these trivia questions a bit easier to answer. They were able to imagine themselves as professors.

If you don't take away anything else from this post, take away the point of simply priming yourself to do the work. When I say priming I don't mean psyche yourself up. Just imagine yourself accomplishing the task and then imagine some good thing that will result from the accomplished task. And don't beat yourself up if you slip up from time to time! It happens!

How do you cope with procrastination? What's your philosophy?

Music that Calms My Anxiety

Every once in a while, I find myself sword and shield in hand fighting my hardest to keep the pain of anxiety at bay. Like in physical wars, there is no winner in a war against anxiety and fear. In reality, it's just me looking for a place of refuge to escape the inner turmoil that engulfs me from time to time.
I read self-help guides to try to break the cycle, however many guides made me feel as though my anxiety is abnormal and freakishly unacceptable in normal society. I began to try to swallow my anxiety or find ways to get rid of it. Took several months and mini panic attacks for me to realize that anxiety doesn't go away. You can't make your anxiety vanish into thin air because you want it to, but you can manage it and pull yourself into a place of deep calm whenever you feel anxious. I have learned that music is an amazing way to manage and calm anxiety. So create a "calm playlist". Culminate a list of songs that tough your soul, move your spirit and captivate your imagination. It may sound counterproductive but listen to music that allows your imagination to fly to wherever you wish. For example, when I listen to music on my calm playlist my mind is instantly teleported from forests to mountains to villages in Eastern Europe that I've never been to in my life. Then when you stop listening to the music and have to return to the real world, the images will remain with you and you can remind yourself of those images as much as you like. That is the power of music and imagination.
If you're curious, here is my "Calm Playlist"! Hopefully it will give you some ideas for what to add to your own playlist.

1. Joanna Newsom - 81 

2. The Paper Kites - Featherstone

3. The Bombay Bicycle Club - You Already Know 

4. Joanna Newsom - The Sprout and the Bean 

5. Bon Iver - Holocene 

6. Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No.1 

7. Rachel Sermanni - Waltz

8. Lucy Rose - Shiver 

9. Lucy Rose - Scar

10. Patrick Watson - Big Bird in a Small Cage

11. Little Tybee - For Distant Viewing 

12. The Weather Station - Everything I Saw

13. Scott Orr - A Long Life

14. M. Ward - The Last Time I Ran Away 

15. Sufjan Stevens - Holland 

16. Eli et Papillon - Coffre Fort

What song suggestions do you have for calming anxiety? What's on your playlist?

The Truth Behind Perfect Instagram Photos

Social Media often creates pressure to present the most photogenic and perfect side of our personalities and our lives. Photographer Chompoo Baritone actually provided us with a look behind the scenes of those perfect little Instagram photos that we see day in and day out. He posted the polished version of her photos online and then incorporated them again in their uncropped originals. Here’s the result.

More info: More info: Facebook (h/t: ufunk)

Credit: TranquilMonkey.com

This Extraordinary Letter Will Help You Find Your Calling

In April of 1958, Hunter S. Thompson was 22 years old when he wrote a letter on the meaning and purpose of life when asked by his friend, Hume Logan, for advice. In just a few paragraphs, Thompson’s letter offers deeply thoughtful ideas, and what makes it all the more profound is the fact that at the time the world had no idea that he was about to become one of the greatest writers of the 20th century.

This letter is particularly extraordinary because the timelessness of its applicability. These words still ring true in the ears of youth and adults alike and its message is still considered among the wisest ever written. 

April 22, 1958
57 Perry Street
New York City

Dear Hume,

You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal — to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself.

I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind.

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you’ve ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don’t see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect — between the two things I’ve mentioned: the floating or the swimming.

But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he’s not after the “big rock candy mountain,” the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?

The answer — and, in a sense, the tragedy of life — is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.

So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis?

The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on “the meaning of man” and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term “god only knows” purely as an expression.) There’s very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I’m the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.

I’m going to steer clear of the word “existentialism,” but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called “Being and Nothingness” by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called “Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre.” These are merely suggestions. If you’re genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you’re doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors.WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.

But don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean that we can’t BE firemen, bankers, or doctors — but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires — including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.

As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).

In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life — the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.

Let’s assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let’s assume that you can’t see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN — and here is the essence of all I’ve said — you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.

Naturally, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. You’ve lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn’t any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, “I don’t know where to look; I don’t know what to look for.”

And there’s the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don’t know — is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.

If I don’t call this to a halt, I’m going to find myself writing a book. I hope it’s not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it’s pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo — this merely happens to be mine.

If any part of it doesn’t seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I’m not trying to send you out “on the road” in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that — no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You’ll have lots of company.

And that’s it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,

Your friend,
Hunter

The Problem With Understanding Intelligence

There are a lot of articles out there claiming to understand what comprises an intelligent person. They’ll site flimsy studies that affirm a myriad of very stereotypical traits about intelligent people. You’ve heard it plenty of times I’m sure. “You might be super smart if you are a night owl, introverted, don’t smoke, or have a cat instead of a dog.” To me, a lot of these claims are just plain silly. For centuries, scientists and psychologists have been trying to figure out what exactly intelligence is. More importantly, they’ve been trying to figure out how the highly intelligent think. As concrete as many articles claim the research is, we don’t actually understand intelligence much at all. If we did, more people would understand that intelligence can’t be measured and that there aren’t a set of assigned traits that intelligent people have.

An article I recently read written by Big Think created a correlation between intelligence and physical activity. If you’re highly intelligent you may not be as physically active because you prefer to be thinking. It sites a study of 60 college students with varying NFC’s (need for cognition) which, after just one week of time, discovered that those with higher NFC’s were less physically active. Therefore, it concluded that smarter people must be less active. Well, there’s a lot wrong with this deduction. First of all, there was a small pool of subjects. You need to study a lot of people to accurately gauge something as ambiguous as intelligence. Second, they only conducted the study for a week! There is no way you’re going to be able to accurately deduce anything about cognition over a span of 7 days. Things change in people’s lives and the desire to be active fluctuates based on a myriad of factors. Third, the correlation itself is a bit shady. They are claiming that those who are less active chose to stay home and think. Who says that staying home to think about stuff makes you smarter? And who does that anyway?! If I stay home instead of doing something active, I’m probably at home watching movies or something. There is clearly very flimsy evidence to suggest that lazy people are more intelligent. What if going running or playing a sport helps people think? It is very possible that certain people think more clearly or more creatively when they’re moving.

As humans we can’t help but feel we have to condense things in order to understand it. We condense vocabulary words to flash cards, we try to understand personalities by assigning colors and specific terminology to them (introvert vs. extrovert), and we try to understand groups of people by assigning them to biological races. Some of these are not even backed by real science! There is no scientific basis for biological races. We do the same for intelligence, claiming that intelligent people tend to stay up late, are thinner, and are funny. These are individual personality traits that some intelligent people may have but not all of them.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that we shouldn't try to understand intelligence, I just think that before we go making concrete claims about intelligence, we should make sure we have the science to back it up!

Personally, I don’t believe that intelligence is necessarily fixed. There are always more ways you can educate yourself, learn more about yourself and the world. Here are some ways you can make yourself a little smarter every day.

1. Keep an Open Mind 

The world is a big big place and there is so much to know about it. If you’re always held up in the same way of thinking, you may never be able to expand your mind.

2. Adapt to Changes

This is a tough one, but you must be able to adapt to changing environments and conditions. If you’re working on a project and a bunch of set-backs come your way, just adapt and re-asses.

3. Understand that there is a lot you don’t know 

You are never going to be able to know everything, but it’s better to learn as much as possible than to be content knowing nothing. Once you understand that there so much to learn and so much knowledge you don’t have, you’ll find yourself curious to learn more about stuff.

4. Be curious about stuff 

It doesn’t really matter what it's about. Just start with some interest you have and fall down the rabbit hole of information. In one day I go from technological advances in robotics to the art of meditation. The sky is the limit, so learn whatever you can!

Want To Accomplish Stuff? Stop Making New Year’s Resolutions

It’s officially 2017. Yay… Every New Year, we motivate ourselves to make huge changes in our lives, so we make resolutions. Why? Because it’s a tradition and if you don’t make them you may run the risk of appearing lazy or apathetic. However, every year you make resolutions and every year you manage to accomplish none of them (or very few). What’s up with that?

According to Psychology professor Peter Herman, when we create New Year’s resolutions we adopt something called the “false hope syndrome”, or the condition where we falsely hope to accomplish unrealistic goals. These goals are impractical and fall out of synch with who we really are. Failure to fulfil resolutions could be because we set our expectations too high, and then when it comes time to actually do something, we don’t know where to start or are afraid to take the first steps. It could also be attributed to the fact that some of us tend have a harder time accomplishing something once we’ve made it a task. For example, you’ve decided that you want to lose weight, so you say that your resolution is to lose 20 pounds. That’s actually a lot harder than it sounds and is no longer something exciting that you really want to do-it’s just another task for the checklist and can be easily neglected when other things in your life take priority. The solution is to treat goals like a hobby.

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions here’s my challenge for you. Make goals into hobbies. Why do we have hobbies? Because people like to do things they enjoy. You probably won’t enjoy losing 20 pounds (let’s just be real) but ask yourself this, what about losing 20 pounds excites you? What part of that process do you really want to do or already love doing? For example, do you like to cook and are excited about making certain recipes, are you a dancer and want to join a dance group, do you like to go hiking, running, or just want to join meetup group of people who are also trying to lose weight. Make your goals something that you actually want to do. Keep in the back of your mind that the end goal is to lose weight, but enjoy the journey and celebrate every victory. Celebrate after you lose 5 pounds, 10 pounds etc. After all, having goals is supposed to be fun!

Stop making resolutions that are ridiculously hard to accomplish like quitting smoking, getting more organized or getting into grad school. These are intimidating goals and take a careful amount of planning to accomplish. Most of us simply won’t do it. Know yourself and how you tick. Are you the kind of person that is very goal oriented and accomplishes what they set out to do, or are you the type of person that needs a (a lot) of motivating. If you’re the later type then using fun goals as motivation will serve you well. Don’t crush yourself with expectations then feel bad about it when you aren’t successful. Have some sympathy for your future self and ease up a bit, you’ll thank me later.