No One Is Normal, So Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

What qualifies itself as being objectively normal, and how do scientists or psychologists quantify normality? On what basis do they determine abnormality? Well, there isn’t a single answer to this. Apparently, there is a bit of disagreement about this among the scientific community. In the 19^th century a Belgian mathematician named Adolphe Quetelet used a statistical tool to find a series of ‘types’ of people. These included heart rate, blood pressure, weight, height, etc. From these statistics he was able to create a model of the “normal” human being based on the frequency of occurrence of certain attributes. This neat little statistic, as a result isolated those who did not fit the statistical model of normality. For example, if they were overweight or had high blood pressure. While these statistics are nice, they are merely statistics. There are many subtleties to take into consideration when trying to define normality. For example, how can a person with several psychological illnesses function “normally” in social settings?

I argue that normality is a culturally specific term. The culture you live in dictates the way you define normality. If you live in a place where most people have blonde hair, blue eyes and super thin, then naturally normal means blonde hair, blue eyes, super thin. If you have brown eyes, dark black hair and are a bit curvy, you’d probably stand out as an abnormality. Unfortunately, because we have an ingrained sense of “us vs. them”, we have a natural tendency to alienate those who are different than the accepted norm. The opposite of normal is abnormal and abnormal implies defect, rarity, or wrongness. If among your peers or community, you exhibit a trait that makes you inherently different, rejoice because normality is simply a social construct to help us understand humanity. It is not a set of guidelines you should live by!

Back when I was in the hell-hole called high school, I was surrounded by girls who wanted desperately to fit in. Naturally, being the weirdo that I am, I gravitated towards the “outcasts” -the girls who weren’t obsessed with who Zack is dating, what trendy clothes they should buy from Abercrombie, or the drama between Lisa and Marissa.  We talked about stuff we cared about and even weird stuff that the other girls scoffed at (like video game theories). We didn’t care! We even felt bad for them! We were smart enough to understand that there was probably some kind of pain or longing that motivated their overwhelming drive for acceptance. We also recognized that maybe their priorities were in the wrong place or they admired the wrong kind of person. To us we were normal and they were the freaks who wanted to be popular.

In my case, the ‘popular’ girls used normality as a tool to encourage superiority and hierarchy. The more ‘normal’ someone was perceived to be by the community, the more popular they were fated to become. As long as they embodied the kind of values, ideas, and interests as the people considered normal, and ditched their own. That's horse-sh*t! No one can hold a claim on normality! There are too many people who think, live, dress and act differently from them for that kind of narrow minded thinking!

So moral of the story is to be whoever you are and make a point to be accepting of others for their differences. Find people who accept you for who and what you are, and help shape you into a better person. Of course there will always be people who will judge you for being weird, bizarre or hard to understand. That’s a good thing. Everyone wants to be unique, yet they don’t want to be seen as weird or too different. They still want to be accepted by others. F*ck it! Be yourself! Accept that not everyone is going to like you. Cultivate your unique interests, hobbies and passions to something you love, and then the attention will follow later. And be accepting of others for their differences! 

Credit: Aeon

To The Christians Supporting Hate: The Forgotten Messages the Bible Tells About Love

This weekend, I scrolled down my social media. With a heavy heart, I learned of the Muslim ban and the heinous, ill-informed “Christians” who, despite being taught to love your neighbor as yourself, have given their hearts to a cause that is racist, discriminatory and unjust.

Yes, I am a Christian. When I was too small to reach the dinner table, I sang “Jesus loves me this I know” hand in hand with fellow Christians of varying races and backgrounds. As an angsty teen, I participated in bible studies that taught on the embodiment of  virtues such as love, forgiveness and non-discrimination towards people that are different than us. We all sat around the same circle studying and magnifying the works of Jesus, who hung out with tax-collectors, thieves, gentiles, prostitutes and the ill. Yet, those same people have come out to the forefront supporting the very same values Jesus condemned with all His being and DIED to reveal to us.

The election has brought out the ugly in all of us, but I would never imagine that my fellow Christian peers would allow themselves to fall victim to such hate, violence and bigotry. This is against the very doctrines of the Christian faith. However, this is not new. Christianity has been used as the basis for racist, violent, and abhorrent acts since before the founding of the New World, but it has to end. To those of you who are a little bit salty (okay, very salty)  towards Christians right now because the majority of vocal Christians have been in support of horrible things, I understand your sentiments, but please give me your attention for a moment to clarify some things for you.

Above everything else, if you know nothing else about the Christian faith, Christianity is about love. Unconditional love. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what your beliefs are, what your faith is, what the color of your skin is, your sexuality, your gender, your political affiliation, or socioeconomic status- my most IMPORTANT job as a Christian is to love you. All of you. As a Christian, my responsibility is to treat you how I would treat myself, because we are one family and one body. My responsibility, as the bible tells, is to give food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless and help to the helpless. None of this is conditional. I cannot refuse to help you because you are Syrian, Muslim, a Republican, a Democrat, transgender, gay, an immigrant, or just disagree with my beliefs. Jesus didn’t say to only love other Christians. He didn’t say love those who agree with you. He said love YOUR NEIGHBOR as yourself. Your neighbor is everyone.  “For God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” God so loves THE WORLD!!!!! Jesus was an outcast. He was born into great poverty and conflict. His life is the reason Christians are supposed to help the less fortunate, He is the reason we are to love others and He is the reason we are to condemn hate against one another.

To everyone out there who is afraid, know this. There are Christians out there who support human rights for everyone. There are Christians out there who stand for justice for all (not just Americans) and loving kindness. There are Christians out there who are not discriminatory because of people’s differences. There are Christians out there who stand with immigrants, Muslims, Hispanics, homosexuals, and the poor. I am one of them and I will always stand with you, fight with you, and support you. 

6 Tell-Tale Signs That You're Highly Intelligent

We are obsessed with being unique and highly intelligent. Some people go crazy over their IQ scores and test scores claiming those are a testament to their incredible intellect. Frankly, science doesn't actually back up any of these claims. In a nut shell, studies have shown that intelligence is a hard quality to measure. It's simply too multifaceted. Psychologists Howard Garner claims that there are approximately 8 intelligences, some examples being musical, verbal and logical. Fact of the matter is, we don't understand much about intelligence at all. However, what we do know is that there are few experiences and behaviors that highly intelligent people experience more often. If you've felt a little different from others and you're unsure if you're highly intelligent, hopefully this list will be a step closer to providing you with some answers.

Your Mind is Always on Maximum Overdrive

Okay, so that was a bit of an over exaggeration, but you get the picture. Day in and day out your mind is rolling! It comes up with crazy ideas for stuff, thinks of funny jokes, over analyzes conversations, comes up with weird scenarios, asks questions about stuff it's curious about, overthinks up-coming events, becomes anxious about random stuff- it never really stops. However, you don't always mind it. If you find that you think a lot, and find that you STILL love being alone with your thoughts, you're probably among the more highly intelligent. Let me give you an example, my mind races 24/7 but I prefer to be alone so I can encourage these thoughts. Not the bad ones of course, but the interesting ones. I'll let my mind wander and think about weird stuff, because I find it interesting. In fact, I like to feed it with new information, knowledge and content so I think even MORE interesting thoughts. 

You Want To Find People to Have Deep Conversations With, But Often Can't 

You crave deeper conversations and deep connections with people. You desperately want to share your intricately bizarre thoughts with someone who will understand them. You want to talk about the more intellectually stimulating topics that the average person will want nothing to do with. However, you have a very hard time finding this person. Maybe it's because you're to anti-social, or maybe it's because you don't know where to look. Whatever the reason, you feel disconnected from other potentially intelligent people and it bothers you. As result, you probably feel very lonely.

You Are Critical of What You See and Hear

You don't just blindly believe what you read, hear or see. You like to question it's validity, do research on it, consider its flaws and think of potential ways to prove its inaccuracy. Its not that you don't trust the person delivering the message, it's that you don't just believe anything. If you're like me, you stumble upon a great deal of articles that boast "ways successful people think differently", "tips to succeed from successful people", or "habits of successful people". It's so monotonous and the tips are all the same. If you're highly intelligent, you are skeptical of the practicality of this advice. You understand that everyone's path to success is different and that broad advice about success may not apply to you. Success is also partly driven by luck, so you take that advice with a grain of salt.

You Constantly Seek Knowledge 

 You think about the things you don't know and are always seeking to fill the gaps. You read articles, books, scientific studies, videos - anything that enriches your life by contributing to your library of knowledge. You're not opposed to admitting when you're wrong or don't know something. Saying "I don't know" is not a testament to something you lack, but more of an opportunity to add to your knowledge.

You're Open Minded 

Your curiosity often leads you down deep rabbit holes of sometimes bizarre information, however you like to stay open minded to new information, experiences and people. You don't dismiss different ways of viewing things without understanding it as best you can and doing your research. You consider alternative views and weigh their merits.

You're Probably Very Introverted

Studies have shown that there is a correlation between high intelligence and introversion, however, notice I said probably. Not all highly intelligent people are introverted. You can very well be extremely outgoing and be intelligent. Studies have just noted that more intelligent people happen to be introverted. That still does not necessarily mean that extroverted people are naturally less intelligent.

How To Move Forward in the Current Political Climate

You don’t need to look at the news to tell that there’s a lot of chaos in the world right now. All you need to do is scroll through your Facebook feed! The chaos isn’t in any isolated location, it’s all around us. The recent political events, that resulted in Donald Trump as the President of the United States, has shaken us to the core. Riots and protests have risen in the streets and social media has exploded with crazy sauce! Many people have made their opinions hard to miss and those who oppose these opinions have been fighting them tooth and nail. It’s a constant back and forth that will never lead to progress. However, do not mistake my words for apathy. I do understand where people’s frustrations are coming from, but I also recognize their flaws. I think two of the biggest issues facing us today are that people are not listening to one another or thinking critically about many issues. I have known people who support something for reasons they cannot provide. Sometimes they just do so because another person who shares in their general belief system says so. As an intelligent people, we need to think critically for ourselves and we need to encourage others to do the same.

Think Critically

There is a perfusion of “fake news” or news that is mostly or entirely false, but used as click-bate to attract readers. The headlines are often so obscure and insane that it often demands a double take, then after you read it carefully it demands a hearty laugh as you continue to scroll past it. However, several people, excuse me, millions of people have been duped into believing fake news. An NPR segment with Craig Silverman, media editor for Buzzfeed, shed some light on the topic by sharing the truth about fake news to willing audiences. Surprisingly, hundreds of fake news articles come out of Macedonia in the Balkans, where young teenagers (who know little to nothing about American politics) capitalize on the intensifying political climate in the U.S. According to Silverman, who was able to interview some of these fake website owning teens, they follow the trends, create websites they know will attract viewers and make money. A lot of their content is based loosely on very biased conservative media content that they have tweaked to gain attention. They often evoke a strong emotional response. They understand that feeding into extreme biases is the way to more money. As a result, media platforms, that actually broadcast truthful content, get left in the dust. In the 35 minute interview Silverman talks about the phenomenon: “…For the pages that were partisan pages on the right and the left, if you had stuff that really appealed to people's existing beliefs, [content that] really appealed to a negative perception of Hillary Clinton [or] a negative perception of Donald Trump - even if it completely bent the truth, that would perform much better than a sort of purely factual thing.”

The fact of the matter is that we as people do not psychologically like to be wrong. So we look for media that confirms our biases. If it disagrees with us, we probably won’t consider it, we’ll probably double down on what we already believe. That’s the power of false news. As the interview goes on, Silverman also states, ““So if you're reading stuff that aligns perfectly with your political beliefs, it makes you feel really good and really excited and you share it, Facebook is going to see that as a signal that you want more of that stuff. So that's why the false misleading stuff does really well is because it's highly emotion-driven. It tells people exactly what they want to hear. It makes them feel very comforted and it gets them to react on the platform. And the platform sees that content does really well and Facebook feeds more of it to more people.”

We need to be critical observers of media content. Be very critical of what you read always, because biases and information often creep into news content and you need to keep yourself informed not brainwashed. If you come across some piece of information, try to look it up using multiple websites. You want to view the issue from a few different prospectives. We must educate ourselves every day. Learn what motivates the opposing side. Where do their beliefs come from and why do they believe the way they do. Educate yourself, educate yourself, educate yourself.

Listen 

No one is going to want to hear this, but we need to have more dialogue between the two opposing sides and actually listen to each other. Many of my friends on Facebook are assuming things about the participants of the Women’s March without actually having ANY evidence to back it up. They simply think they know what liberals are thinking. Liberals are guilty of this as well! Many assume that Trump supporters are all racist and sexist. That isn’t always the case. Lack of understanding and the profusion of misinformation, I believe, can stem from people being unwilling to actually want the truth, so we’ll believe anything that lines up with our views. Try not to let your emotions get the better of you while researching ideologies of the opposing side, simply seek to learn. I know this is VERY hard, but please understand the incredible benefits it will have for you and others around you. One, you will not be able to count yourself as one of those poor misinformed people shouting non-sense that isn’t actually true. These people contribute to the problem. You want to be part of the solution. Two, you’ll be able to eloquently state facts instead of “feelings” or “opinions” whenever faced with someone who is attacking your side. I say that no one wants to hear this because some people may say “I’m tired of listening! These people are insane!!” But have you really been listening?

Please don’t think I’m condoning complacency, but I do think you should educate yourself and do your research BEFORE moving on to the more active responses. The more we educate ourselves and try to understand each other the better off we’ll be.


Source: NPR

Social Media is Depressing You. Here's What You Can Do About It

 It was a few months after my graduation and I had just quit my job. I had a horrible boss and a toxic work environment at best. There were a few people there that made it bearable, but I digress. I graduated with honors from a university in Boston, volunteered, got involved in the departmental matters and everything, but there I was sitting in my apartment without a job for three months. In between looking for jobs and updating my resume and crap, I would find myself moseying over to Facebook from time to time. I wish I hadn't, but I was addicted. It some ways it was a way to stay in tune with what's going on in the world. However, that came with a price. Constant images of success, happiness, new jobs, internships, vacations, pregnancies, and wedding engagements inundated me to no end. As a result, I sank deeper into my funk. I grew so envious of my Facebook friends that I didn't speak to any of them, like any of their statuses, or interact with them in any way, shape, or form. I was hurting myself more than they were inadvertently hurting me.

It's a psychological game that social media forces us to play. It forces images of perfection and happiness down our throats everyday to compel us to compete with others for attention and validation. Bad news is there's not much we can do about it. It's everywhere! Pinterest is entirely dedicated to making you lust after things you don't have, and don't get me started about Instagram. The reality is that we are being force fed images that evoke feelings of envy, inadequacy and inferiority. Social media, commercials, advertisements, Youtube videos, movies, etc. So what do we do about it? We may not be able to remove the imagery in question entirely from our lives, but we can learn to regulate how we react and do little things to push us towards true contentment.

Remove Yourself

While you may not be able to remove yourself entirely from social media, you can cut out the websites that are causing you the most grief. You don't need to be on Facebook everyday to know what's happening with your friends. It's perfectly acceptable to check in once a week or once every two weeks. Whatever you feel like is best for you. Remove yourself from sites or anything that causes you to feel inferior or compels you to lust after things you don't have. Keep in mind that if you have a website that constantly reminds you of everything you don't have, yet it doesn't bother you or make you feel less than, you can still use those sites. Just use them productively. They may be good idea generators for using the things you do have! 

Assess Your Attitude 

In a world of selfies and narcissism, it's easy to think you deserve attention and praise. After all, John got a bunch of attention and he doesn't even do anything important! You won't want to hear this, but you do not deserve a bunch of attention just because you want it. You don't deserve any more than John does. So check your ego and make sure that you don't allow your head to swell up with envy. On the flip side, a lot of our Facebook friends actually do post impressive accomplishments and that is probably much worst. Any update of any kind is embellished with a witty quip and a filtered photograph (throw a few hashtags in there for good measure) and posted straight to social media. What people don't realize is that while they're posting their lives on Facebook, there is a psychological burden that their audience may face. Fact is, they probably don't care and neither should you. Their success isn't your failure. Their success is their success and your success is your success. Be happy for that person and move on. If it makes you feel better, begin planning the ways you want to succeed and make goals for yourself. Or you can make a list of all the things that you accomplished recently. 

Understand What Happiness Isn't

Please understand that getting a bunch of likes on Facebook or Instagram does not constitute happiness. Sure you'll be pretty cheery about it for a while, but then you'll crave more likes and more attention once that has worn off. The cycle never ends. Focus instead on being successful in your own way as opposed to the way that will get likes. Also keep in mind that although people have big smiles and pretty faces on Facebook, that doesn't mean that is the end all be all. It's a single still photograph of a single moment. In the background a lot of darker things are probably going on in their lives. Everyone is struggling with something, but their way of coping with it may be different from yours. Maybe the way they cope with hardship is to garner attention for posting pictures of the more picturesque side of their lives. The validation may help them feel better. While some of us (me included) are happiest far far away from other people. Neither of these is more right than the other. It's just a matter of what makes you happy. 

Replace Social Media 

Now that you've purged your life of some of the more toxic social media sites, you can begin to find other things to do to fill your time. If you find yourself bored on the subway, on the bus or in line, try reading a book through the Kindle app instead. Or surf the web using Stumble Upon, an app that directs you to random websites based on your interests. Maybe listen to a podcast about old pioneers or watch a Ted Talks about something. Whatever you do, just make your not scrolling through social media for hours. 

You can find the study linking depression to excessive Facebook use to depression here

How does social media affect you? How have you learned to deal with it?

Tip For Overcoming Procrastination -You Don't

As human beings we fall prey to malevolent temptations everyday. We tell ourselves that we won't have junk food today, but screw that we had a rough day at work today and no one but the lord can keep this vehicle from pulling up to the Taco Bell drive through. We're not very good at sticking to what we say we'll do. Our thoughts and actions often diverge without us having much control over it. In fact, in a book called Blink by Michael Gladwell he studies a group of people at a speed dating event. He describes a young girl named Mary who set a list of traits she looks for in a potential partner. However, after meeting a young man she fancied that did not encompass the traits she described, he preferences had changed. Turned out that Mary didn't actually know what she wanted in a partner. Her thoughts would suggest one thing but her actions suggested another. This study shows us that we have little control over what we do or feel like doing.

Say you're in college and you have an essay due next week. You're probably thinking "Whatevs I have plenty of time!" But then you realize that you tend to procrastinate till the last possible moment, thus making a PAINFUL essay writing session at two in the morning and the quality of your essay plummets. You want to start writing your essay early so you put in your planner to being writing tomorrow evening. Guess what? Tomorrow evening arrives and you totally don't feel like writing your essay at all. You're sleepy from classes and you just realized that a new episode of the Walking Dead is airing tonight. Stuff happens and you will to do what you planned is influenced by many conscious and subconscious factors. So there's really not much you can do about it. Sometimes you'll actually do what you said you'll do and sometimes you won't. When procrastination sets in hard, you'll find it almost painful to do what you're supposed to be doing. You may even convince yourself to stop doing it mid-way!

You never really "overcome" procrastination. If you get rid of it one day, it'll be back to crash at your place the next day. Whenever I feel really lazy and don't feel like doing anything, I let myself feel lazy. I don't try to fight that feeling or make myself feel bad about feeling lazy. It's natural. However what helps me get stuff done is to prime myself. I don't go do something super fun and awesome right before I know I have to finish something lame like an essay. You can prime yourself by beginning to plan your task in your head. Imagine yourself finishing the task and try to find something fun about the task. Prime yourself by imagining that you will finish your task with ease and will have plenty of time to spare for other tasks. If you're trying to get yourself to do chores imagine how much better you will feel once the area is clean and stuff is un-cluttered. If you're trying to get yourself to plan a date to hang out with someone, imagine that you are having a wonderful time with that person and gaining a valuable connection.

Priming is actually backed by science! In a study conducted by two Dutch scientists mentioned in Blink by Gladwell, they had groups of students answering 40 difficult questions from the game Trivial Pursuit. Half of the group was asked to think about and write down what they think it means to be a professor. The other half was asked to think about and write down soccer hooligans. The first half of the group answered 55.6 percent of the questions correctly. The second half answered 42.6 percent correctly. The difference between those two numbers is enormous and a testament to the power of priming. Because the first group of students put themselves in a professorial frame of mind, they were able to channel their inner scholar, thus making these trivia questions a bit easier to answer. They were able to imagine themselves as professors.

If you don't take away anything else from this post, take away the point of simply priming yourself to do the work. When I say priming I don't mean psyche yourself up. Just imagine yourself accomplishing the task and then imagine some good thing that will result from the accomplished task. And don't beat yourself up if you slip up from time to time! It happens!

How do you cope with procrastination? What's your philosophy?

Music that Calms My Anxiety

Every once in a while, I find myself sword and shield in hand fighting my hardest to keep the pain of anxiety at bay. Like in physical wars, there is no winner in a war against anxiety and fear. In reality, it's just me looking for a place of refuge to escape the inner turmoil that engulfs me from time to time.
I read self-help guides to try to break the cycle, however many guides made me feel as though my anxiety is abnormal and freakishly unacceptable in normal society. I began to try to swallow my anxiety or find ways to get rid of it. Took several months and mini panic attacks for me to realize that anxiety doesn't go away. You can't make your anxiety vanish into thin air because you want it to, but you can manage it and pull yourself into a place of deep calm whenever you feel anxious. I have learned that music is an amazing way to manage and calm anxiety. So create a "calm playlist". Culminate a list of songs that tough your soul, move your spirit and captivate your imagination. It may sound counterproductive but listen to music that allows your imagination to fly to wherever you wish. For example, when I listen to music on my calm playlist my mind is instantly teleported from forests to mountains to villages in Eastern Europe that I've never been to in my life. Then when you stop listening to the music and have to return to the real world, the images will remain with you and you can remind yourself of those images as much as you like. That is the power of music and imagination.
If you're curious, here is my "Calm Playlist"! Hopefully it will give you some ideas for what to add to your own playlist.

1. Joanna Newsom - 81 

2. The Paper Kites - Featherstone

3. The Bombay Bicycle Club - You Already Know 

4. Joanna Newsom - The Sprout and the Bean 

5. Bon Iver - Holocene 

6. Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No.1 

7. Rachel Sermanni - Waltz

8. Lucy Rose - Shiver 

9. Lucy Rose - Scar

10. Patrick Watson - Big Bird in a Small Cage

11. Little Tybee - For Distant Viewing 

12. The Weather Station - Everything I Saw

13. Scott Orr - A Long Life

14. M. Ward - The Last Time I Ran Away 

15. Sufjan Stevens - Holland 

16. Eli et Papillon - Coffre Fort

What song suggestions do you have for calming anxiety? What's on your playlist?